Sunday, November 29, 2009

Exes Who Reappear During the Holidays

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, without fail, I hear from a few exes. That includes the more official exes who were my boyfriends or damn near it, as well as the guys who never made the cut but thought they'd put in a good effort.

On Thanksgiving this year, I received text messages from four guys from my past, wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving, inquiring about my well being, wanting to know if I was celebrating with my family. I replied to them all, but not until late that night. And my answer was simple: "Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." After all, no need to imply I wanted to continue the conversation.

The guys who texted me are men you've read about here before: Super Texter, Prince Charming, Mr. Serious, and Cutie With Attitude. Each one offered some variation of the following: "Thinking of you and your family today. Hope you're having a Happy Thankgiving."

Seems harmless, I guess, but it's just so funny to me. For years, Biggest Dog Ever called or texted on the holidays, until he finally got a clue and stopped.

I have to wonder why these guys even bother. Is it an effort to remain on my mind--even if it's only once or twice a year? Is it a twinge of guilt at letting a good one slip away? Is it the hope that one text message might lead to a phone call or maybe more?

Or are they just being friendly, showing they still care? Who knows. These are all guys who I've decided to cut off for one reason or another, and I intend to keep it that way.

TALK BACK: Do you usually hear from your exes during the holiday season? If so, how do you respond?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Meeting Your Man's Single Mama on Turkey Day

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

My good friend is all nerves and inhaling into a brown paper bag right now.  After a real long and tumultuous run as far as relationships are concerned, my friend has finally hit the jackpot. And ironically, while FabFem has been recently talking about the jungle that is online dating, computer love actually did work out in my friend's favor.

So far, my friend--who I'll call Southern Belle--has been on a whirlwind romance with her new beau, who I'll call Mr. Checklist (good job-check, nice car-check, has his own spot, no kids.. you get the idea). They've been going out to restaurants, spending quiet evenings and weekends together, and he was her lone moving man when she moved last month as well. He goes out of his way to surprise her with little gifts to show he cares, and he helps her run errands. He also has no problem telling her just how much she means to him and how he can totally see a future with her.

Naturally a man this smitten was raised right, and naturally a man who knows how to make a woman float around the city as if she's wearing Jimmy Choos made of cotton candy has to have a close, healthy relationship with his mama. So, of course he wants his two favorite women to meet. And meet they will on Thanksgiving.

I've already assured my friend that (1) her warm personality alone is going to win over Mama Checklist. (2) She's a fantastic cook, all she has to do is let Mama Checklist sample some of her food, and it will put Mama Checklist at ease to know this lovely girl can actually make her son a good meal. (3) Let's be real. If you are a real mother who loves her son, the fact that he's so into her and happy should make you happy. SHOULD.

So here's the caveat.

Some folks have said in the past that when meeting Mom, you ESPECIALLY have your work cut out for you if:

He's an only child
He's an only son

I also heard the situation is further amplified if, as in the case with Mr. Checklist, he's an only boy child to a single mother. It's no secret that these relationships can be super tight because both the mother and the son have often depended on one another over the years, and they've seen each other through some really tough times.

Successful sons of single moms often work their hardest to make them happy and feel a proud obligation to help them out as much as they can now that they're grown men. It completely makes sense. I mean, even the most seemingly meanest, toughest rappers who talk about hoes and bitches also rhyme about putting their mothers in mansions and "designer fabrics" once they've made it big. Childhood memories of mama struggling to make ends meet are hard to shake. So I say men who take care of mama, without falling into chronic mama's boy syndrome, are worthy of Shakespearean sonnets being written in their honor.

TALK BACK: What are some good tips for Southern Belle to help her shake those nerves before Turkey Day? And are single mothers with sons really harder to impress, or is that just an urban relationship myth?

Why Prince Charming is Gone After Three Strikes

It turns out my Prince Charming is a toad.

It's a little disappointing because I was such a PC fan. He was sexy, he was cool, he was charming, and he showed up right on time--at my birthday party this year.

PC appeared at the table where my friends and I were sitting that night and asked what each of us were drinking. He and his friend bought all of our drinks (and I had a large group of friends) and delivered them to us on trays. He and I danced all night. I had a ball. 

We exchanged phone numbers and called and texted each other. But soon, I began to suspect that PC was married, engaged or had a girlfriend. He met several of my criteria, such as mostly calling when he was in transit and taking a long time to respond to text messages and phone calls (and coming up with lame excuses for the delay). Eventually I told him about my suspicion. To prove me wrong, he called me when he got home a couple of nights rather than calling me when he was driving.

Hmmmm. Nice try, but not quite good enough.

PC asked me out twice during the month of October. Both times we talked the day before we were supposed to go out. But when the day of our scheduled date arrived, PC disappeared. No call, no text, no nothing. The first time it happened, I think he called a few days later, and I honestly don't recall what his excuse was. The second time, he disappeared and I didn't hear from him for over a week.

That is, until he sent me a text message in early November, asking if I was going to the same party I'd seen him at the month before. I was already planning to go with friends, so I responded to his text to tell him so. That was the night of the PDA. And again, PC and his friend bought drinks for my friends and me all night.

Things seemed temporarily promising. PC started calling and texting daily after that. We planned another date. I told him that since he'd flaked twice already, it'd be nice if he came through this time. But that day arrived, and this time, PC texted me at about 4:30 p.m. (we were supposed to have dinner that evening) to tell me that he wouldn't be able to make it.

He didn't offer a reason, just said he had "responsibilities." I told him that three chances for a date was all he'd get with me, so there wouldn't be any more opportunities. He said something lame in response, something to the effect of he understood and maybe we're better off as friends.

Like I said, this dude is married/engaged/otherwise taken. I'm convinced of it.

My friends asked if I was certain I wanted to cut him off, that maybe it's worth it to hang in there, feign interest, just to get more free drinks.

But honestly, the free drinks don't mean as much to me as my pride and self respect. So, PC, thanks for helping to make my birthday a great one. Deuces.

TALK BACK: How many chances do you give a guy before cutting him off for good?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Yes, I'm Still Single. Can You Please Pass the Turkey?

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

When you're fly and fabulous, the holiday season can be a really great time. You can fill your face with your favorite foods without the usual guilt and get an adrenaline rush by jockeying for position with other shopaholics on Black Friday.

And most importantly, you can catch up with family and friends. 

But there's always a series of questions that come up during holiday family functions that anyone single and older than 25 absolutely dreads.

"So, you're not married yet?"
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"No kids?"

I've got older relatives already phoning in these questions. My mother's cousin shamelessly admitted that she's dying for her two sons, ages 33 and 40, to have children-- even if it means it's out of wedlock. She further admitted that her sons had to call her out on her obsession. They assured her that she'd rather have them procreate with good women worthy of actually being their wives, her old age be damned.

Now, the only possible reason I could come up with for a usually moral, sweet woman who is protective of her "boys" to go temporarily nuts and have such madness come out of her mouth was that it had to be attributed to the fact that last year, she had open heart surgery and even had a tumor taken out of said heart. So since she may be struggling with her mortality these days, I'm going to let it slide.

But still, I totally agree with her sons. I also extend kudos to my cousins for helping her grab a hold of reality real quick to squash that silly talk.

Let's be clear. My cousins are 40 and 33, so yeah, they either need to get on finding that wife, or throw in the towel altogether-- especially the 40-year-old. But as I joked with their mom, men can make a kid when they are 50, 60, 70 and 80. But I get it, I get it, she wants to actually live to see it.

So naturally, she turns the question to me, and I tell her that I'm in the sweet spot age of the late 20s, so I'm not trippin. Then, after taking a deep breath, I explained that I am not yet married, and I have no kids, but I absolutely love my life right now, sans the kids and husband. I'm loving my freedom and I'm taking advantage of it while I can. I continued by saying that I totally look forward to being a mom, but finding the right partner to do this with, as her sons pointed out, was no easy task these days. I told her that I do remain hopeful, but right now, my life is just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. whooo! (Shout out to Mary J!)

TALK BACK: How do you respond when relatives or other well-meaning folks grill you about your marital and/or kid status, especially during the holidays?

Friday, November 20, 2009

5 Online Dating Don'ts for Men

When it comes to online dating, your profile is the sole representation of who you are in a potential mate's eyes. If she doesn't like what she sees, she can ignore you or stop communication altogether.

So for the fellas, here is what NOT to do on your online dating profile:

1. Don't post groupie photos with rappers or celebrities. As a grownup, it's not cool to post a picture of when you met the rapper T.I. I know you're excited, but I don't care, and it makes you look pressed.

2. Don't post a picture of you in front of the Remy Martin graffiti background at the club...especially if you're 36. This is a true story. And this guy's second (and only other photo) was him at the club dancing, throwing his hands up in the air. Enough said.

3. Don't list yourself as a rapper/musician/producer under the category for "profession." I understand if music is your hobby, but do you have a day job? Please list the job that is your primary source of income.

4. Don't post half-naked bathroom mirror cellphone photos. This is not cute. Seriously. Put some clothes on and stop taking pictures in your bathroom. And this applies whether you have a nice body or a whack one. Please leave something to the imagination.

5. Don't only include photos of yourself wearing white T-shirts, wife beaters, sagging pants or hoodies. If I only see pictures of you wearing the aforementioned clothing, I'm inclined to think that you don't own other types of clothes. I'm not saying you have to wear a suit, but what do you wear when you're going someplace casual but nice? If the answer is a white Tee, please grow up.

TALK BACK: What would you add to my list of online dating don'ts for men?

Why I May Hang Up My Online Dating Hat

Nearly a month ago, I decided to give online dating a try. It couldn't hurt, I figured, and it seemed everyone had tried it except me.

And now, nearly a month into my eHarmony subscription, I can say it was worthwhile. But I'm not sure I'm going to renew my membership. I said going into this that I'd give it a shot for a month or two, and I intend to stick to that plan.

In my 3.5 weeks of membership, I had one boring date who deleted me as a friend on Facebook because I wouldn't go to his house, one Weed Smoker who stalked me by text for a few days, and one guy who prefers e-mail over phone conversations (he still hasn't called me).

And last but definitely not least, I had one *great* date that occurred just yesterday, so eHarmony definitely got something right. I was matched with this guy a few days ago, and I thought he was cute, so I sent him an "icebreaker" (a short note that says something like, "Love your smile!") He initiated communication with me when he got my message. We went through the guided communication process within a day or so, and two days ago, we talked on the phone for SEVEN hours. Don't ask me what all we talked about. I don't know. Seems we talked about everything.

Me and this guy, we'll call him Handsome Honey, met up for a late lunch yesterday, and we spent hours together. I was especially impressed early on that when he was running a little bit late, he texted me to let me know. When I didn't reply to his text (I hadn't seen it yet), he called me to make sure I got the message. Why don't other men (*clearing my throat* -- like Super Texter) understand this sort of common courtesy? Handsome Honey has definite potential.

Still, even though I had one good match on eHarmony, I don't know if I want to continue my subscription right now. Quite frankly, online dating is a lot of work. I've heard people say they barely ever get new eHarmony matches, but for some reason, I get five or six new matches every day. I simply don't have the time to thoroughly look at them all. My inbox has 70-plus open matches right now. I think I need an eHarmony break.

TALK BACK: Do you find online dating to be overwhelming at times?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Is It Ever OK to Date Your Ex's Friend?

I used to have a hard and fast rule: If I dated a guy, I'd never date his friend. Never, ever, ever in life. Wasn't going to happen. How dare the friend even try to holla.

But then one day, I found myself in a strange predicament. I dated a guy--we'll call him The Player--who was pretty much a jerk. He tended to talk down to women, and on top of that, he was a whore. He was not my boyfriend--so I use the term, "ex," loosely--but I did date him on and off for less than a year. On two separate occasions during that time period, two of The Player's friends told me that I was too good for him and then they each tried to holla at me. One was his best friend (I shot him down immediately). The other was a guy I'll call Mr. Serious.

I met Mr. Serious while out at a nightclub with a couple of my friends and The Player. At the end of the night, the guys offered to give me a ride to my car so I didn't have to walk by myself.

But here's the thing: The Player disappeared as we were walking to the car, and he wouldn't answer his cellphone. He left me alone with his two friends, who I'd just met that night. I assume that The Player went home with another woman that evening because he would not answer his cellphone when I tried to call to tell him that his friend, Mr. Serious, was trying to holla.

It was quite some time later, perhaps a year or so (when The Player and I were long since over), before Mr. Serious and I started seeing each other. But Mr. Serious is way into his job, like in a working from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. kinda way. He is usually so tired that he's hard to be around at times. So things did not work out for us.

Then I saw him again this weekend, and now he's trying to holla again, in a very direct, no-holds-barred type of way.

He's hitting me with talk of wanting to be with me on a serious tip. He's asking me to give him another chance. Usually, I'd think he's full of it and would dismiss him without hesitation. But this is a guy who took care of me after I had surgery earlier this year (the last time we were dating). And even though he's a workaholic, he took off work to take me to a doctor's appointment that I couldn't drive myself to. Now you know that's saying a lot for a guy who barely leaves the office.

I am hesitant, though, but it's no longer because of The Player. It's because Mr. Serious is an over-the-top workaholic, and I'm not sure I can deal with that. Under most circumstances, I'd be fine with a man who works hard, but if you take your fatigue and stress out on me, it's a different story.

Still, it seems strange to me that the fact that I once dated The Player no longer seems to matter in my eyes when it comes to Mr. Serious. A male friend says that Mr. Serious broke "man code" by trying to talk to me, so he doesn't trust him. But I guess that just isn't a big deal to me. Maybe it's because it's been at least two years since The Player and I were involved. Or perhaps it's because The Player is such a dog that he just has no relevance in my life in a romantic way any longer. We're cool as friends, but that's about it. The question is: Should I give Mr. Serious a real chance? 

TALK BACK: Is it ever OK to date your ex's friend? Please vote in the poll!

Friday, November 13, 2009

A New Pet Peeve: The Guy Who Only E-mails

I think I discovered something worse than the man who texts more often than he calls--a guy who won't text or call. Instead, he prefers e-mail.


This is the first I've encountered this phenomenon, and it came to me courtesy of eHarmony. A guy, we'll call him E-mail Man, wants me to meet him for a date. But here's the thing: I really don't want to meet anyone from eHarmony in person who I haven't had a real, live conversation on the phone with first. So I sent him my phone number over a week ago. And instead of calling, he keeps writing me via eHarmony's in-house e-mail system. Yesterday, he sent me a message giving me his personal e-mail address after I suggested that he call me before we meet in person.

I'm really so over him. Seriously.

What is so hard about picking up the phone? I'm not saying it has to be a long conversation, but I very well might hate him, and I'd like to know that before I put effort into going to meet him in person.  

It would be one thing if I'd actually met this guy in person in the first place. But he comes from the anonymous world of online dating, so I want a phone conversation prior to us meeting in person. But after sending him my phone number over a week ago, and mentioning again that I think we should talk on the phone before going on a date--and then having him ignore me, sending me his e-mail address instead--I'm really just so done.

I think I will probably end up not going on a date with him, simply because we barely communicated via eHarmony, except for him to ask me out. I can only hope he'll get a clue and pick up the phone.

TALK BACK: Would you go on a date with someone you met online but you've never spoken with on the phone?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Watch Out for the Multi-State Man

Men who have women in multiple states seem to like me. It's the reason why I can so easily rattle off a list of signs to look for in men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives.

Last night, I went to dinner with Fighter Pilot, a guy who I dated for about four or five months last year until he moved to Texas. I knew the move was coming. He was getting out of the military and planned to take a job in Texas. Meanwhile, he started a grad school program that September that took him to Texas about twice a month. That's when things got a little murky.

You see, when Fighter Pilot was in Texas, his phone calls became sporadic, and he was hard to reach. My blunt questions about whether he had a woman in Texas were met with a resounding, "No," numerous times.

But my gut told me he did have a woman in Texas, so by the time he moved, I'd largely distanced myself from him. He called occasionally after he moved and would text to check up on me, too. Then, yesterday, when Fighter Pilot was back in my town for business, he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go.

And all seemed fine. That is, until Fighter Pilot moved over to my booth, put his arm around me, attempted to cozy up to me and tried to kiss me (I wouldn't let him). Somehow, he admitted while sitting next to me that he has a girlfriend in Texas who he met before he moved there (meaning he met her while he was still dating me).

My response? "How would your girlfriend feel about you trying to kiss me?"
Him: "That doesn't matter. You look really good. I missed you." Blah, blah, blah.

I grabbed my jacket and told him I was leaving before the check even arrived. "Thanks for dinner, take care and I wish you well," I said as I walked out without looking back. (But no worries, I did finish my steak dinner and had a couple of drinks before I left.)

Unfortunately, this isn't my first experience with a guy who was dating me in one state and someone else in another. A guy who I dated for four years--we'll call him Biggest Dog Ever (BDE for short)--was dating me here and also had a fiancee--yes I said, fiancee--in Richmond, Va. His fiancee was his high school sweetheart. She had some inkling that I existed and I had the same inkling about her, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in Richmond one day and went to visit her. I told him I was going to see her beforehand, and he said he didn't care.

"Let the chips fall where they may," he said.

And fall they did. BDE's fiancee--who is now his wife--and I had a cordial conversation that confirmed he'd been playing us both. I cut him off afterwards; she didn't. They now have two kids, and they got married when she was pregnant with their second child. It would probably make her sick to know that BDE still contacts me every year on my birthday and usually on Christmas and/or Thanksgiving, too.

BDE also admits to stalking my Facebook and MySpace pages, even though he's not my friend on either site and can only see the main picture. That doesn't matter, he says, because he just wants to see how I look these days and know that I am OK. He claims he's in love with two women. Whatever, dude.

As far as I'm concerned, both BDE and Fighter Pilot can take a hike. I'm so tired of these sorry dudes, who reappear when they feel like it and are never totally honest about anything.

TALK BACK: What is the worst experience you've ever had with a cheater?

Monday, November 9, 2009

How I Gave In to Public Displays of Affection

I usually hate public displays of affection. I don't like to see other people kissing or being overly affectionate in public. And I used to hate it when guys were overly affectionate with me in public.

Notice I said, used to. That changed this weekend when I saw Prince Charming--a guy who I met in early October--for the first time since we initially met. We talked on the phone regularly for a while but never managed to make a date happen. For the last week or so leading up to this past weekend, I hadn't spoken to him at all.

On Saturday morning, Prince Charming texted me to tell me that he was planning to go to a party that night, and it just so happened that I'd already planned to attend the same party with friends. When my friend and I walked into the party, we saw Prince Charming and his friend almost immediately. We sat with them, drank, laughed, danced and just generally had a great time.

And then Prince Charming kissed me. And I swear, for a moment, I forgot where I was--at a crowded party, in a room full of people, sitting right next to our friends. So when he kissed me a few more times, I made no attempt to stop him. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it's just that I think Prince Charming is sexy as hell.

That got me to thinking. Do we have different rules for different men? When I told my cousin about what happened on Saturday, she said, "It takes the right person to bring the freak out in anyone."

And maybe she's right. Perhaps, at age 29, I just hadn't met someone who made me want to be affectionate in public.

Or, maybe it was the alcohol after all.

Or maybe not. Even when I was totally sober the next day, I didn't feel bad at all. And I'd do it again.

TALK BACK: How do you feel about public displays of affection?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Why I Don't Do Sexy Camera Phone Pictures

One of my pet peeves, as you know, is guys who text more often than they call. Here's another: Guys who ask me to send them sexy camera phone pictures but rarely make an effort to see me in person.

I just don't get it. You live close to me, and hardly see me, yet you think I'm going to take pictures of myself--perhaps of my shoes (for the guys with foot fetishes), or worse, my butt -- for your cellphone enjoyment?

You really must be kidding me.

Cutie With Attitude regularly asked me to send him pictures of my butt or whatever shoes I was wearing that day (he had a serious fetish for high heels). And he would cop an attitude when I said no--and I always said no. This guy lived about 20 minutes from me but barely saw me once a month. Yet I was supposed to send him photos whenever he requested them? I don't think so.

For women who might be tempted to take and send revealing photos by cellphone, consider pictures said to be of singer Rihanna--which depict a woman nearly naked, holding a camera phone (WARNING: The previous link includes photos that contain some nudity and are not appropriate for viewing at work) that turned up online a few months ago. I never heard how or from where these photos were leaked, or if it was confirmed to be Rihanna in the pictures. I was disappointed that Diane Sawyer did not ask Rihanna about the leaked pictures in her 20/20 interview about the singer's relationship with Chris Brown (who was also in at least one photo), with whom she was in a two-year relationship until a domestic violence incident earlier this year.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think taking pictures is all bad. I am not at all shy, and I love the camera. I smile and even have a certain pose that I'm teased about because I usually tilt my head slightly to the left in photos. Still, that doesn't mean that I'm willing to send guys who rarely make an effort to see me random cellphone pictures of myself--especially not revealing ones.

I've heard of people in long-distance relationships who exchange sexy photos in order to keep the "spark" alive. If I were in that situation, I probably would be willing to send a camera phone photo every now and then. But it wouldn't be anything that could come back to haunt me, as Rihanna's pictures apparently did.

Call me reserved, but I'm just not into sexy camera phone pictures. So I really wish guys would stop asking.

TALK BACK: How do you feel about sending sexy camera phone pictures to someone you're dating?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How I Lost a Facebook Friend Because I Won't Go to His House

Southern Gentleman--the first guy I went out with from eHarmony--deleted me as a friend on Facebook yesterday, after I said I wasn't comfortable coming to his house to watch movies because we've only been out on one date.

I guess he wasn't such a gentleman after all.

Now, y'all know how I hate it when guys just want to lay up in the house. Still, I tried to soften the blow. He texted me earlier yesterday saying he'd like to see me again. I said, "That sounds good. What do you have in mind?"

A couple of hours later, he replied to say he was thinking we could have drinks but that he also wanted me to come to his house to watch movies--if I was comfortable with that.

Well, I am not comfortable with going to a guy's house who I (A) met on the Internet, (B) have only known a week (and I say that loosely since I didn't meet him in person until this weekend), and (C) have only gone on one date with, and that was just this past weekend.

So I replied to his message with the following: "That's sweet. I would be more comfortable if we went out again first. I'm not afraid of you or anything. It's just a comfort thing for me."

Notice that I did NOT say, "Look fool, I don't know you like that, and I sure ain't coming to your house!" But you can bet that's kinda what I was thinking.

So imagine my surprise when I noticed a short while later that we were no longer Facebook friends. (Background: Southern Gentleman sent me a request to become Facebook friends last week as the next step after we communicated via eHarmony.) He also hadn't responded to my text message. After an hour passed, I was so shocked that this dude had actually deleted me because of this that I decided to call him to see if he'd fess up.

I ended up getting his voicemail, so I left a nice message, saying that I hoped I hadn't offended him in some way that caused him to delete me as a friend. Now, let me be clear: My feelings were not hurt. I just wanted to see if he'd own up to deleting me because I don't want to lay up in his house. A short time letter, I got a text from him. (Side note: I *hate* it when guys respond to a phone call with a text message. Whack.) His text said: "I'm not offended. I deleted you by mistake. My bad. Sure we can meet out again before you come over." 

I deleted you by mistake? Does that actually happen? As one friend pointed out, it takes quite a bit of effort to delete a friend on Facebook.

TALK BACK: Would you buy it if someone told you that he/she deleted you as a Facebook friend by mistake?

Monday, November 2, 2009

Adventures In Online Dating: Beware of Liars

Public Service Announcement: Be honest on your online dating profiles because your potential matches will eventually discover that you lied. And they probably won't be happy about it.

I'm talking about people who tell big lies about their height or their jobs, for example. And I have a new pet peeve: If you smoke--and I mean if you smoke anything--do not answer "no" or "never" for the question about whether you're a smoker. Smoking weed is smoking, dammit. Please don't waste my time.

One guy who I spoke to on the phone after signing up for online dating--we'll appropriately call him Weed Smoker--is 39 years old and told me that he regularly smokes weed. After getting off the phone with him, I looked at his eHarmony profile again. Under the "Smokes" question, he listed, "Never."

WTF. Why lie?

Probably because he knows that many women don't like smokers and that he would get "closed" immediately when they discovered he still gets high. Or maybe it's because he doesn't think weed smoking qualifies as being a "smoker."

But he's wrong.

He, like most guys I know who smoke weed, says he doesn't do it every day--but he does smoke weekly at least, essentially whenever the mood strikes him. But I've reached the point in the my life where how infrequently someone smokes doesn't matter. I'm asthmatic and have severe allergies and sinus problems, and I don't fool with smokers of any kind -- Period. Plus, I want to have kids eventually and I don't want to worry about whether Daddy is high when he picks them up from daycare.

Weed Smoker was also a little too quick to suggest that I cancel my eHarmony account and stop dating others immediately because he's going to be my man. I laughed the first, second and third times he said it ... like, he really can't be serious. And there's more: He may either be very impatient or obsessive, based on something that happened today. He called my phone this afternoon while I was busy on another call. He then sent a text (in all capital letters) immediately afterwards, which I recieved and intended to reply to when I was free. But then, not even 30 minutes later, he called again (I let it go to voicemail). And that annoyed me.

Fortunately for me, my experience with Weed Smoker has not been the norm in the one week-plus since I signed up for eHarmony. Not even a week after creating my account, I had my first date with a guy I met on the site.

Not bad for just a few days' work.

The date was okay. We met at a restaurant and had drinks and appetizers. It was a tad bit boring, and I'm not sure if there are sparks there. But now that a few days have passed, I think perhaps the guy--we'll call him Southern Gentleman--is just a little shy because he's been texting me since then and he's clearly interested. So I've decided I would go out with him again if he asks.

So, Weed Smoker aside, I'm pleased with the online dating experience so far, having just begun Week 2. But I have to say that it's becoming a bit overwhelming. Every day, eHarmony sends me five or six new matches. And every day I get more requests to communicate from new guys.
I simply can't keep up.

As I type this, I am currently in the "communication" phase with eight different guys, not including the two I described above. I also have 36 matches who I haven't started communicating with but who eHarmony thinks could be potential matches. And those numbers don't count the matches who have been "closed" for various reasons.

Put simply, it's a lot to take in.

Still, I will stick with it, at least through the end of the one-month period that I've paid for.

And hopefully I won't run into any more undercover weed smokers.

TALK BACK: For people who've tried online dating, have you later discovered that potential matches were less than truthful on their profiles? Have you ever lied on your online dating profile?