Exes Who Reappear During the Holidays

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, without fail, I hear from a few exes. That includes the more official exes who were my boyfriends or damn near it, as well as the guys who never made the cut but thought they'd put in a good effort.

On Thanksgiving this year, I received text messages from four guys from my past, wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving, inquiring about my well being, wanting to know if I was celebrating with my family. I replied to them all, but not until late that night. And my answer was simple: "Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." After all, no need to imply I wanted to continue the conversation.

The guys who texted me are men you've read about here before: Super Texter, Prince Charming, Mr. Serious, and Cutie With Attitude. Each one offered some variation of the following: "Thinking of you and your family today. Hope you're having a Happy Thankgiving."

Seems harmless, I guess, but it's just so funny to me. For years, Biggest Dog Ever called or texted on the holidays, until he finally got a clue and stopped.

I have to wonder why these guys even bother. Is it an effort to remain on my mind--even if it's only once or twice a year? Is it a twinge of guilt at letting a good one slip away? Is it the hope that one text message might lead to a phone call or maybe more?

Or are they just being friendly, showing they still care? Who knows. These are all guys who I've decided to cut off for one reason or another, and I intend to keep it that way.

TALK BACK: Do you usually hear from your exes during the holiday season? If so, how do you respond?

Watch Out for the Multi-State Man

Men who have women in multiple states seem to like me. It's the reason why I can so easily rattle off a list of signs to look for in men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives.

Last night, I went to dinner with Fighter Pilot, a guy who I dated for about four or five months last year until he moved to Texas. I knew the move was coming. He was getting out of the military and planned to take a job in Texas. Meanwhile, he started a grad school program that September that took him to Texas about twice a month. That's when things got a little murky.

You see, when Fighter Pilot was in Texas, his phone calls became sporadic, and he was hard to reach. My blunt questions about whether he had a woman in Texas were met with a resounding, "No," numerous times.

But my gut told me he did have a woman in Texas, so by the time he moved, I'd largely distanced myself from him. He called occasionally after he moved and would text to check up on me, too. Then, yesterday, when Fighter Pilot was back in my town for business, he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go.

And all seemed fine. That is, until Fighter Pilot moved over to my booth, put his arm around me, attempted to cozy up to me and tried to kiss me (I wouldn't let him). Somehow, he admitted while sitting next to me that he has a girlfriend in Texas who he met before he moved there (meaning he met her while he was still dating me).

My response? "How would your girlfriend feel about you trying to kiss me?"
Him: "That doesn't matter. You look really good. I missed you." Blah, blah, blah.

I grabbed my jacket and told him I was leaving before the check even arrived. "Thanks for dinner, take care and I wish you well," I said as I walked out without looking back. (But no worries, I did finish my steak dinner and had a couple of drinks before I left.)

Unfortunately, this isn't my first experience with a guy who was dating me in one state and someone else in another. A guy who I dated for four years--we'll call him Biggest Dog Ever (BDE for short)--was dating me here and also had a fiancee--yes I said, fiancee--in Richmond, Va. His fiancee was his high school sweetheart. She had some inkling that I existed and I had the same inkling about her, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in Richmond one day and went to visit her. I told him I was going to see her beforehand, and he said he didn't care.

"Let the chips fall where they may," he said.

And fall they did. BDE's fiancee--who is now his wife--and I had a cordial conversation that confirmed he'd been playing us both. I cut him off afterwards; she didn't. They now have two kids, and they got married when she was pregnant with their second child. It would probably make her sick to know that BDE still contacts me every year on my birthday and usually on Christmas and/or Thanksgiving, too.

BDE also admits to stalking my Facebook and MySpace pages, even though he's not my friend on either site and can only see the main picture. That doesn't matter, he says, because he just wants to see how I look these days and know that I am OK. He claims he's in love with two women. Whatever, dude.

As far as I'm concerned, both BDE and Fighter Pilot can take a hike. I'm so tired of these sorry dudes, who reappear when they feel like it and are never totally honest about anything.

TALK BACK: What is the worst experience you've ever had with a cheater?