Exes Who Reappear During the Holidays

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, without fail, I hear from a few exes. That includes the more official exes who were my boyfriends or damn near it, as well as the guys who never made the cut but thought they'd put in a good effort.

On Thanksgiving this year, I received text messages from four guys from my past, wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving, inquiring about my well being, wanting to know if I was celebrating with my family. I replied to them all, but not until late that night. And my answer was simple: "Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." After all, no need to imply I wanted to continue the conversation.

The guys who texted me are men you've read about here before: Super Texter, Prince Charming, Mr. Serious, and Cutie With Attitude. Each one offered some variation of the following: "Thinking of you and your family today. Hope you're having a Happy Thankgiving."

Seems harmless, I guess, but it's just so funny to me. For years, Biggest Dog Ever called or texted on the holidays, until he finally got a clue and stopped.

I have to wonder why these guys even bother. Is it an effort to remain on my mind--even if it's only once or twice a year? Is it a twinge of guilt at letting a good one slip away? Is it the hope that one text message might lead to a phone call or maybe more?

Or are they just being friendly, showing they still care? Who knows. These are all guys who I've decided to cut off for one reason or another, and I intend to keep it that way.

TALK BACK: Do you usually hear from your exes during the holiday season? If so, how do you respond?

Why I May Hang Up My Online Dating Hat

Nearly a month ago, I decided to give online dating a try. It couldn't hurt, I figured, and it seemed everyone had tried it except me.

And now, nearly a month into my eHarmony subscription, I can say it was worthwhile. But I'm not sure I'm going to renew my membership. I said going into this that I'd give it a shot for a month or two, and I intend to stick to that plan.

In my 3.5 weeks of membership, I had one boring date who deleted me as a friend on Facebook because I wouldn't go to his house, one Weed Smoker who stalked me by text for a few days, and one guy who prefers e-mail over phone conversations (he still hasn't called me).

And last but definitely not least, I had one *great* date that occurred just yesterday, so eHarmony definitely got something right. I was matched with this guy a few days ago, and I thought he was cute, so I sent him an "icebreaker" (a short note that says something like, "Love your smile!") He initiated communication with me when he got my message. We went through the guided communication process within a day or so, and two days ago, we talked on the phone for SEVEN hours. Don't ask me what all we talked about. I don't know. Seems we talked about everything.

Me and this guy, we'll call him Handsome Honey, met up for a late lunch yesterday, and we spent hours together. I was especially impressed early on that when he was running a little bit late, he texted me to let me know. When I didn't reply to his text (I hadn't seen it yet), he called me to make sure I got the message. Why don't other men (*clearing my throat* -- like Super Texter) understand this sort of common courtesy? Handsome Honey has definite potential.

Still, even though I had one good match on eHarmony, I don't know if I want to continue my subscription right now. Quite frankly, online dating is a lot of work. I've heard people say they barely ever get new eHarmony matches, but for some reason, I get five or six new matches every day. I simply don't have the time to thoroughly look at them all. My inbox has 70-plus open matches right now. I think I need an eHarmony break.

TALK BACK: Do you find online dating to be overwhelming at times?

A Honey-Do List With No Honey

I'm a girly girl. I don't like manual labor. I don't fix things around the house (or with my car). And I don't like to lift heavy objects. I even once recruited a (very cute) man at Lowe's to put down roach bait in my condo because I was too afraid that a bug would get me if I did it alone.

Yet here I am, stuck with a honey-do list with no honey to complete the tasks. I have a heavy bin full of my summer shoes that needs to be carried up my spiral staircase and taken into my storage room, and a lamp high above my condo's entryway that needs new light bulbs. My closet door is slightly off track and could use a little tweaking. Oh, and my ceiling fan? The chain fell off of that a few weeks ago. So who is going to fix it? Probably not me, that's for sure.

It occurred to me today that it would be really useful to have a guy around right now. But why didn't I think of that before I got rid of the stragglers? Sigh.

But then again, Cutie With Attitude wouldn't have helped me out around the house anyway. He might have broken a sweat, for goodness sake, and Lawd knows he wouldn't want that. And Super Texter? Well, he would've helped, but it wouldn't have been long before he was cursing me out by text message again.

So I guess I'll be lugging the storage bin up the stairs myself one of these days. And I'll take a trip to Lowe's for new light bulbs. Maybe I'll get lucky--as I did with the stop at Lowe's for roach bait--and find a handsome man there who can come handle my honey-do list for me.

Cleaning House: Cutting Stragglers Off & Starting Anew

I'm not looking for perfection. I don't believe such a thing exists. I have my flaws, and I know that every man has his quirks. So I try to weigh the good with the bad and separate quirkiness from crazy, though lately I've been attracting the latter.

In the past two days alone, I've had to cut off two different guys. One was Super Texter. And I didn't cut him off because he was late for a date--That was minor and I was over it as soon as it happened. No, he had to go because of his extreme emotional reactions to benign situations. It was borderline scary. His pattern is to flip out on me about once a month (I've known him three months) and then apologize profusely a week or two later. My friends began joking that I was setting myself up to become the subject of a Lifetime movie. Even my dad--when I told him about Super Texter--said to run, not walk, away.

And then there was another guy, we'll call him Cutie With Attitude, who was probably one of the most attractive men I've ever dated, but his attitude simply sucked. Seriously, what a waste of a fine specimen of a man. You see, Cutie With Attitude believes that women should be happy that he even calls them. So if months (yes, months) go by and you don't see him, you shouldn't trip.

Then there was Cutie With Attitude's total lack of consideration for the most basic things. Now let me be clear: I'm pretty self sufficient, even when I'm sick, so there are no expectations here. But if you're a man who claims to be interested in me, the least you can do is fake the funk. However, Cutie With Attitude couldn't even manage that. If I was sick, which has been more often than usual in the last year or so, he never asked if I needed anything. He barely even called to make sure I was alive.

So there were two different issues with Super Texter and Cutie With Attitude. Super Texter was kind and considerate most of the time, but he turned crazy--like, seemingly mentally unstable--when things didn't go his way. Cutie With Attitude didn't appear to be crazy, but he was arrogant, self absorbed and totally and utterly inconsiderate.

If only there were a machine where you could morph the "good" qualities of two different men into one human being. A girl can dream, can't she?

But as I write this, I feel like I made a good decision on both fronts. I just celebrated a birthday, and it was time to clean house for the year ahead. These two guys have taught me more about what I can tolerate and what I can't when it comes to guys. So I guess it wasn't a total loss.

TALK BACK:  Are there dealbreakers that annoy you so much that you've stopped dating someone because of them?  Holla at me in the comments section or on the FabFem Facebook fan page.

30 Minutes Late? Sorry, the Date is Canceled

Are there any gentlemen left in the world? The guys who show up on time, come to your door to pick you up, make dinner reservations -- you know, actually put some thought and effort into dating?

I wondered this tonight, as my date for the evening arrived nearly a half hour late and attempted to summon me to his car with a text message that said, "Come down."

I should note that I am a bit of a stickler for being on time. So when it comes to dating, I'm easily annoyed by guys who have no respect for a woman's time. I have a 30-minute limit on how long I'll wait for a guy before canceling a date.

Back to tonight: I had a date scheduled with Super Texter, who promised that this would be the date to make up for him flipping out on me via text message on my birthday two weeks ago.

So you'd think, since he was so sorry for all that happened on my birthday, that he'd bring his "A" Game today, right?

Wrong.

Super Texter told me he'd be picking me up at 7:30 p.m. for dinner. Fine, I said. And I was dressed (and hungry) by 7:30. But soon it was 7:50 and still no word from Super Texter. Then my phone went off with that text message instructing me to come down to his car. So now Super Texter was not only nearly a half hour late, but he was summoning me to his car by text message.

I don't think so.

So I replied: "I'm not going. You're almost a half hour late. And texting me to tell me to come to the car is rude."

It just got uglier from there. You see, Super Texter's M.O. seems to be to insult you when you do something he doesn't like. He "ordered" me a birthday gift--one he still doesn't have in his possession (I repeat: My birthday was two weeks ago)--so I shouldn't have tripped about him being late today, he said. Is he really serious?

Still, I never get a good feeling from having to walk away from a date this way, but I also feel like it's something I need to do out of respect for myself. I once walked out of a restaurant because a guy had me waiting for more than 30 minutes. Even the waiter started looking at me crazy, as if the date I said was coming was all in my head.

In that situation, just as I was pulling out of the parking lot, the guy I was supposed to meet was pulling in. I felt a little bit bad for leaving, but not bad enough to stay. He should've showed up on time or let me know he was running late. And I feel the same way about Super Texter.

TALK BACK: How do you handle it when a date is late? Do you have a cutoff time before you'll cancel? And when a man comes to get you from your home, do you believe he should come to the door to greet you? Let me know in the comments section.

Call Me, Don't Text Me

I'll admit it: I think texting is a great invention. It allows us to communicate quick messages when we can't talk or don't have time for long conversations.

But, I fear, texting has also allowed us to get lazy when it comes to dating and relationships. Don't feel like having an uncomfortable conversation? Just text the message instead. Afraid of how the other person might respond? Just get to typing. And finally, here is a pet peeve of mine: Asking a woman out for a date via text. (Fellas, please don't make a habit of this, especially if it's a first date. It's tacky.)

I recently dated a guy--we'll call him Super Texter--who preferred to communicate via text message. He worked in a facility where he was not allowed to talk on his cellphone. So if he wanted to talk with me, he often texted. He texted me in the morning to say good morning, midday to see how my day was going and at night to wish me sweet dreams. We talked on the phone, too, but not nearly as often as we texted. Then one day, we got into an argument via text -- on my birthday. And rather than pick up the phone and call, Super Texter escalated the argument via text messaging, even when I asked him to stop. I eventually asked him to never contact me again. (Notice I used the word, "contact," because if I'd said, "call," the door would still be open for him to text me.)

Well, not even two weeks later, I received seven back-to-back text messages from Super Texter at 2 a.m. on a work night. I was not happy. This time, he was apologizing for the argument he'd started via text a week and a half earlier, but why did his apology also have to come via text? Why does Super Texter seem to not quite get that actually talking to me would probably be a smarter way to go?

But that's the good thing about texting. As the recipient of such messages, I can choose to reply...or not reply. In this case, I chose the latter. Of course, that means Super Texter is still trying to reach me, but will he ever actually pick up the phone to have a real, live conversation with me?

Only time will tell.

UPDATE 10/15/09: Super Texter did the unthinkable -- He called me this morning to ask me for a date to talk things out!

UPDATE 10/18/09: The date did not go well.

UPDATE 10/20/09: The end of Super Texter.