Monday, October 26, 2009

Why I Decided to Try Online Dating

I've been known to say I'd never try online dating. Too many crazies in the world, I said, and if I start finding dates online, I'm bound to run into trouble. Plus, why would I pay a monthly fee to find dates?

But recently I realized that I attract crazy people, jerks, and losers anyway--in real life, just by going about my daily business. I'm not hurting for dates, but crazies and married/engaged/taken men seem to like me. So what do I have to lose by trying online dating?

Probably not much.

And given my track record, I guess I could use a little help.

So on Saturday, I created an eHarmony account. I chose eHarmony because they claim to match you with people who they think you're most likely to be compatible with, based on how you respond to a long list of questions you must answer when you sign up for the site.

eHarmony seems to gradually match you up with people. It matched me with five people the first day, another five or six on Sunday, and another five or six people today. The site allows users to go through each person's profile, view their descriptions, their answers to a pre-set list of questions, and their photos. If you don't like that person's profile, you can "close" the match out--another way of saying, "I'm just not that into you."

But if you are interested, you can opt to send an "icebreaker"--chosen from a list of cute sayings such as, "I like your smile," or "Hey, I enjoyed your profile. Let's chat!" Or, you can choose to start the communication process using either "guided" communication (a tedious process that involves sending two short lists of questions to your potential mate, as well as a list of likes/dislikes), or if you're really feeling the person, you can ask to "fast track" the process, which takes you straight to being able to send "open" messages through eHarmony's in-house e-mail system. That way, you're communicating with the person, but they don't actually have your personal contact information.

And that's as far as I've gotten so far. I am "communicating" with five potential matches--three of those conversations are still in the "guided" process, where we're exchanging information via our answers to each other's pre-selected questions. One conversation has finished the guided process and progressed into "open" communication on eHarmony's website, but that guy is kind of boring me, to be honest. And the fifth guy (who has a very nice smile) sent me a request to "fast track" our conversation today, skipping the guided process altogether. After I accepted his request, he sent me one nice note this morning. I just responded, so I'm awaiting his reply.

I also have 13 other guys with whom I've been matched by eHarmony but who I haven't contacted yet, and they haven't reached out to me yet, either. (And there are a few guys who I "closed" out for various reasons upon seeing their profiles.)

I'm trying to be open during this process. I don't expect a guy to look like LL Cool J, Maxwell, or Tyson Beckford. But he does have to include a photo on his profile in order for me not to "close" communication with him. After all, if you know what I look like, why shouldn't I know what you look like?

One guy in particular appears to be adorable. Tall, handsome--a dog lover who doesn't appear to take himself too seriously. (I have a small toy poodle, and I like being around people who enjoy life, despite its pitfalls.) Of course, now that I said that, he'll probably prove to be disappointing. Ha.

But even if that one doesn't work out, I'll stick with eHarmony for the next month or two to see what happens.  If nothing else, I figure it'll be good fodder for the FabFem blog. I'll keep you posted. 

TALK BACK: Have you ever tried online dating? Why or why not? And if so, did you meet a good match?


  1. Good luck with online dating. My funny eHarmony story is that I tried to sign up some 5+ years ago when I was dating and it did not have any matches for me. LOL. I guess my personality is just that bizarre. Oh well. Anyhow, I did online dating through as you know and had a good experience. A lot of guys use online dating because its efficient. They are too busy with their careers and activities to look for women in clubs and bars. Online dating makes sense for them to pre-screen folks and select the one that they like best. Good luck!!

  2. No matches on eHarmony? That's so funny. I'm glad you didn't tell me that before I signed up; I might've been afraid to try!

  3. Done, and I like the concept of eharmony the most but it's really pricey and because I have no patience, really tedious unless you fast track it.

    No success with but I confess to not putting as much into it as as I should have.

    Met and dated someone off but he still had loose ends he needed to tie up and I wasn't going to wait around for that. But we had a good connection.

    Done a couple of plus sized dating sites as well. Just emails or phone calls from those.

    I endorse as many avenues to meet people as possible both on and offline. After all, you can meet crazy in the grocery store.

  4. @Tiffany - yes! eHarmony is expensive. That's why I only plan to try it for a month or two. I haven't looked at I will check it out.

  5. Your post is a great description of eHarmony! It sounds like you’re really on track with how to use eHarmony and take advantage of the different communication features – sounds like you understand the benefits of each (e.g. how helpful it is to close when you’re not interested).

    One thing that jumped out at me that I wanted to point out is that a lot of people who have recently joined don’t have their photos posted yet. It can seem disappointing to get them in your daily matches, but you might want to give some of those guys a little time to post photos, send a photo Nudge (request the photo). Some of them will take action. And you might miss out on a really great match if you just close him up right off the bat.

    I also wanted to let you know that we have 24 hours, 7 days a week Customer Care through our Help/FAQ link: And you can also contact me on Twitter: @eHarmony_jack
    - Jack

  6. Stay away from Blackpeoplemeet or any other of the cheaper dating sites. You get what the hell you pay fo, and if you check around you'll see the same suckas on soulsingles, blacksingles, blackplanet, yahoo singles, aol singles, etc singles, LOLOLOL. You get my point.

  7. @Office Secrets - Thanks for the heads up! I will definitely keep that in mind.