Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Watch Out for the Multi-State Man

Men who have women in multiple states seem to like me. It's the reason why I can so easily rattle off a list of signs to look for in men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives.

Last night, I went to dinner with Fighter Pilot, a guy who I dated for about four or five months last year until he moved to Texas. I knew the move was coming. He was getting out of the military and planned to take a job in Texas. Meanwhile, he started a grad school program that September that took him to Texas about twice a month. That's when things got a little murky.

You see, when Fighter Pilot was in Texas, his phone calls became sporadic, and he was hard to reach. My blunt questions about whether he had a woman in Texas were met with a resounding, "No," numerous times.

But my gut told me he did have a woman in Texas, so by the time he moved, I'd largely distanced myself from him. He called occasionally after he moved and would text to check up on me, too. Then, yesterday, when Fighter Pilot was back in my town for business, he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go.

And all seemed fine. That is, until Fighter Pilot moved over to my booth, put his arm around me, attempted to cozy up to me and tried to kiss me (I wouldn't let him). Somehow, he admitted while sitting next to me that he has a girlfriend in Texas who he met before he moved there (meaning he met her while he was still dating me).

My response? "How would your girlfriend feel about you trying to kiss me?"
Him: "That doesn't matter. You look really good. I missed you." Blah, blah, blah.

I grabbed my jacket and told him I was leaving before the check even arrived. "Thanks for dinner, take care and I wish you well," I said as I walked out without looking back. (But no worries, I did finish my steak dinner and had a couple of drinks before I left.)

Unfortunately, this isn't my first experience with a guy who was dating me in one state and someone else in another. A guy who I dated for four years--we'll call him Biggest Dog Ever (BDE for short)--was dating me here and also had a fiancee--yes I said, fiancee--in Richmond, Va. His fiancee was his high school sweetheart. She had some inkling that I existed and I had the same inkling about her, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in Richmond one day and went to visit her. I told him I was going to see her beforehand, and he said he didn't care.

"Let the chips fall where they may," he said.

And fall they did. BDE's fiancee--who is now his wife--and I had a cordial conversation that confirmed he'd been playing us both. I cut him off afterwards; she didn't. They now have two kids, and they got married when she was pregnant with their second child. It would probably make her sick to know that BDE still contacts me every year on my birthday and usually on Christmas and/or Thanksgiving, too.

BDE also admits to stalking my Facebook and MySpace pages, even though he's not my friend on either site and can only see the main picture. That doesn't matter, he says, because he just wants to see how I look these days and know that I am OK. He claims he's in love with two women. Whatever, dude.

As far as I'm concerned, both BDE and Fighter Pilot can take a hike. I'm so tired of these sorry dudes, who reappear when they feel like it and are never totally honest about anything.

TALK BACK: What is the worst experience you've ever had with a cheater?