Watch Out for the Multi-State Man

Men who have women in multiple states seem to like me. It's the reason why I can so easily rattle off a list of signs to look for in men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives.

Last night, I went to dinner with Fighter Pilot, a guy who I dated for about four or five months last year until he moved to Texas. I knew the move was coming. He was getting out of the military and planned to take a job in Texas. Meanwhile, he started a grad school program that September that took him to Texas about twice a month. That's when things got a little murky.

You see, when Fighter Pilot was in Texas, his phone calls became sporadic, and he was hard to reach. My blunt questions about whether he had a woman in Texas were met with a resounding, "No," numerous times.

But my gut told me he did have a woman in Texas, so by the time he moved, I'd largely distanced myself from him. He called occasionally after he moved and would text to check up on me, too. Then, yesterday, when Fighter Pilot was back in my town for business, he asked me to dinner. I agreed to go.

And all seemed fine. That is, until Fighter Pilot moved over to my booth, put his arm around me, attempted to cozy up to me and tried to kiss me (I wouldn't let him). Somehow, he admitted while sitting next to me that he has a girlfriend in Texas who he met before he moved there (meaning he met her while he was still dating me).

My response? "How would your girlfriend feel about you trying to kiss me?"
Him: "That doesn't matter. You look really good. I missed you." Blah, blah, blah.

I grabbed my jacket and told him I was leaving before the check even arrived. "Thanks for dinner, take care and I wish you well," I said as I walked out without looking back. (But no worries, I did finish my steak dinner and had a couple of drinks before I left.)

Unfortunately, this isn't my first experience with a guy who was dating me in one state and someone else in another. A guy who I dated for four years--we'll call him Biggest Dog Ever (BDE for short)--was dating me here and also had a fiancee--yes I said, fiancee--in Richmond, Va. His fiancee was his high school sweetheart. She had some inkling that I existed and I had the same inkling about her, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in Richmond one day and went to visit her. I told him I was going to see her beforehand, and he said he didn't care.

"Let the chips fall where they may," he said.

And fall they did. BDE's fiancee--who is now his wife--and I had a cordial conversation that confirmed he'd been playing us both. I cut him off afterwards; she didn't. They now have two kids, and they got married when she was pregnant with their second child. It would probably make her sick to know that BDE still contacts me every year on my birthday and usually on Christmas and/or Thanksgiving, too.

BDE also admits to stalking my Facebook and MySpace pages, even though he's not my friend on either site and can only see the main picture. That doesn't matter, he says, because he just wants to see how I look these days and know that I am OK. He claims he's in love with two women. Whatever, dude.

As far as I'm concerned, both BDE and Fighter Pilot can take a hike. I'm so tired of these sorry dudes, who reappear when they feel like it and are never totally honest about anything.

TALK BACK: What is the worst experience you've ever had with a cheater?

How I Gave In to Public Displays of Affection

I usually hate public displays of affection. I don't like to see other people kissing or being overly affectionate in public. And I used to hate it when guys were overly affectionate with me in public.

Notice I said, used to. That changed this weekend when I saw Prince Charming--a guy who I met in early October--for the first time since we initially met. We talked on the phone regularly for a while but never managed to make a date happen. For the last week or so leading up to this past weekend, I hadn't spoken to him at all.

On Saturday morning, Prince Charming texted me to tell me that he was planning to go to a party that night, and it just so happened that I'd already planned to attend the same party with friends. When my friend and I walked into the party, we saw Prince Charming and his friend almost immediately. We sat with them, drank, laughed, danced and just generally had a great time.

And then Prince Charming kissed me. And I swear, for a moment, I forgot where I was--at a crowded party, in a room full of people, sitting right next to our friends. So when he kissed me a few more times, I made no attempt to stop him. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it's just that I think Prince Charming is sexy as hell.

That got me to thinking. Do we have different rules for different men? When I told my cousin about what happened on Saturday, she said, "It takes the right person to bring the freak out in anyone."

And maybe she's right. Perhaps, at age 29, I just hadn't met someone who made me want to be affectionate in public.

Or, maybe it was the alcohol after all.

Or maybe not. Even when I was totally sober the next day, I didn't feel bad at all. And I'd do it again.

TALK BACK: How do you feel about public displays of affection?

Why I Don't Do Sexy Camera Phone Pictures

One of my pet peeves, as you know, is guys who text more often than they call. Here's another: Guys who ask me to send them sexy camera phone pictures but rarely make an effort to see me in person.

I just don't get it. You live close to me, and hardly see me, yet you think I'm going to take pictures of myself--perhaps of my shoes (for the guys with foot fetishes), or worse, my butt -- for your cellphone enjoyment?

You really must be kidding me.

Cutie With Attitude regularly asked me to send him pictures of my butt or whatever shoes I was wearing that day (he had a serious fetish for high heels). And he would cop an attitude when I said no--and I always said no. This guy lived about 20 minutes from me but barely saw me once a month. Yet I was supposed to send him photos whenever he requested them? I don't think so.

For women who might be tempted to take and send revealing photos by cellphone, consider pictures said to be of singer Rihanna--which depict a woman nearly naked, holding a camera phone (WARNING: The previous link includes photos that contain some nudity and are not appropriate for viewing at work) that turned up online a few months ago. I never heard how or from where these photos were leaked, or if it was confirmed to be Rihanna in the pictures. I was disappointed that Diane Sawyer did not ask Rihanna about the leaked pictures in her 20/20 interview about the singer's relationship with Chris Brown (who was also in at least one photo), with whom she was in a two-year relationship until a domestic violence incident earlier this year.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think taking pictures is all bad. I am not at all shy, and I love the camera. I smile and even have a certain pose that I'm teased about because I usually tilt my head slightly to the left in photos. Still, that doesn't mean that I'm willing to send guys who rarely make an effort to see me random cellphone pictures of myself--especially not revealing ones.

I've heard of people in long-distance relationships who exchange sexy photos in order to keep the "spark" alive. If I were in that situation, I probably would be willing to send a camera phone photo every now and then. But it wouldn't be anything that could come back to haunt me, as Rihanna's pictures apparently did.

Call me reserved, but I'm just not into sexy camera phone pictures. So I really wish guys would stop asking.

TALK BACK: How do you feel about sending sexy camera phone pictures to someone you're dating?

How I Lost a Facebook Friend Because I Won't Go to His House

Southern Gentleman--the first guy I went out with from eHarmony--deleted me as a friend on Facebook yesterday, after I said I wasn't comfortable coming to his house to watch movies because we've only been out on one date.

I guess he wasn't such a gentleman after all.

Now, y'all know how I hate it when guys just want to lay up in the house. Still, I tried to soften the blow. He texted me earlier yesterday saying he'd like to see me again. I said, "That sounds good. What do you have in mind?"

A couple of hours later, he replied to say he was thinking we could have drinks but that he also wanted me to come to his house to watch movies--if I was comfortable with that.

Well, I am not comfortable with going to a guy's house who I (A) met on the Internet, (B) have only known a week (and I say that loosely since I didn't meet him in person until this weekend), and (C) have only gone on one date with, and that was just this past weekend.

So I replied to his message with the following: "That's sweet. I would be more comfortable if we went out again first. I'm not afraid of you or anything. It's just a comfort thing for me."

Notice that I did NOT say, "Look fool, I don't know you like that, and I sure ain't coming to your house!" But you can bet that's kinda what I was thinking.

So imagine my surprise when I noticed a short while later that we were no longer Facebook friends. (Background: Southern Gentleman sent me a request to become Facebook friends last week as the next step after we communicated via eHarmony.) He also hadn't responded to my text message. After an hour passed, I was so shocked that this dude had actually deleted me because of this that I decided to call him to see if he'd fess up.

I ended up getting his voicemail, so I left a nice message, saying that I hoped I hadn't offended him in some way that caused him to delete me as a friend. Now, let me be clear: My feelings were not hurt. I just wanted to see if he'd own up to deleting me because I don't want to lay up in his house. A short time letter, I got a text from him. (Side note: I *hate* it when guys respond to a phone call with a text message. Whack.) His text said: "I'm not offended. I deleted you by mistake. My bad. Sure we can meet out again before you come over." 

I deleted you by mistake? Does that actually happen? As one friend pointed out, it takes quite a bit of effort to delete a friend on Facebook.

TALK BACK: Would you buy it if someone told you that he/she deleted you as a Facebook friend by mistake?

Adventures In Online Dating: Beware of Liars

Public Service Announcement: Be honest on your online dating profiles because your potential matches will eventually discover that you lied. And they probably won't be happy about it.

I'm talking about people who tell big lies about their height or their jobs, for example. And I have a new pet peeve: If you smoke--and I mean if you smoke anything--do not answer "no" or "never" for the question about whether you're a smoker. Smoking weed is smoking, dammit. Please don't waste my time.

One guy who I spoke to on the phone after signing up for online dating--we'll appropriately call him Weed Smoker--is 39 years old and told me that he regularly smokes weed. After getting off the phone with him, I looked at his eHarmony profile again. Under the "Smokes" question, he listed, "Never."

WTF. Why lie?

Probably because he knows that many women don't like smokers and that he would get "closed" immediately when they discovered he still gets high. Or maybe it's because he doesn't think weed smoking qualifies as being a "smoker."

But he's wrong.

He, like most guys I know who smoke weed, says he doesn't do it every day--but he does smoke weekly at least, essentially whenever the mood strikes him. But I've reached the point in the my life where how infrequently someone smokes doesn't matter. I'm asthmatic and have severe allergies and sinus problems, and I don't fool with smokers of any kind -- Period. Plus, I want to have kids eventually and I don't want to worry about whether Daddy is high when he picks them up from daycare.

Weed Smoker was also a little too quick to suggest that I cancel my eHarmony account and stop dating others immediately because he's going to be my man. I laughed the first, second and third times he said it ... like, he really can't be serious. And there's more: He may either be very impatient or obsessive, based on something that happened today. He called my phone this afternoon while I was busy on another call. He then sent a text (in all capital letters) immediately afterwards, which I recieved and intended to reply to when I was free. But then, not even 30 minutes later, he called again (I let it go to voicemail). And that annoyed me.

Fortunately for me, my experience with Weed Smoker has not been the norm in the one week-plus since I signed up for eHarmony. Not even a week after creating my account, I had my first date with a guy I met on the site.

Not bad for just a few days' work.

The date was okay. We met at a restaurant and had drinks and appetizers. It was a tad bit boring, and I'm not sure if there are sparks there. But now that a few days have passed, I think perhaps the guy--we'll call him Southern Gentleman--is just a little shy because he's been texting me since then and he's clearly interested. So I've decided I would go out with him again if he asks.

So, Weed Smoker aside, I'm pleased with the online dating experience so far, having just begun Week 2. But I have to say that it's becoming a bit overwhelming. Every day, eHarmony sends me five or six new matches. And every day I get more requests to communicate from new guys.
I simply can't keep up.

As I type this, I am currently in the "communication" phase with eight different guys, not including the two I described above. I also have 36 matches who I haven't started communicating with but who eHarmony thinks could be potential matches. And those numbers don't count the matches who have been "closed" for various reasons.

Put simply, it's a lot to take in.

Still, I will stick with it, at least through the end of the one-month period that I've paid for.

And hopefully I won't run into any more undercover weed smokers.

TALK BACK: For people who've tried online dating, have you later discovered that potential matches were less than truthful on their profiles? Have you ever lied on your online dating profile?

Domestic Abuse: When Harm Goes Both Ways

Every 15 seconds, a woman is severely assaulted by her male partner, according to research compiled by Yale University. And every 14.6 seconds, a man is assaulted by his female partner.

Does the statistic on assaults on men by women surprise you?

That was the subject of a recent episode of the Tyra show. Two women featured on the show regularly become so hostile that they hit their boyfriends upside the head or even push them down the stairs out of anger.

The men, wisely in my opinion, announced on the show that they could no longer take the abuse. (In one case, the man had long ago exited the relationship, while the other guy just mustered up the courage to leave his child's mother.)

Tyra pointed out that men who are the victims of domestic abuse are not that different from abused women. They stay despite the continuing abuse and make up stories for the inevitable bruises and scars that draw attention from coworkers, family and friends. Some tell the truth about how they were injured; others make up fictional stories about their wounds. ("I broke up a fight between my cousins," one guy said he told coworkers.)

What Tyra said about abused men behaving similarly as abused women rang so true to me. I have seen an episode--thankfully just one episode--of domestic violence firsthand. It wasn't a clear-cut case of female-male abuse or male-female abuse -- Instead, I'd say it involved a bit of both.

At the time, I lived in a condo building and had made friends with a neighbor who lived with her boyfriend in the same building. On the night in question, that girlfriend picked a fight with her boyfriend. It clearly wasn't the first time they'd had a physical fight--after all, she was way too comfortable calling him a bitch and other names that I won't mention here.

And for his part, her boyfriend seemed to snap very quickly into hostile mode, and he knocked her to the ground in our parking lot several times.  I tried (all 5'2 of me) numerous times to get him to stop hitting and rough handling her. But he just pushed me out of the way. And every time she had a chance to get away from him, she just went right back again, cursing, yelling, even hitting him back.

I call this an episode of abuse that went both ways because while her boyfriend, at approximately 6'4, clearly had the upper hand over her petite, slim frame, she was every bit the instigator. I hate to say it, but it was almost like she enjoyed it, cursing at him over and over again, hitting him, knowing that it would fuel his anger. (She would later tell me that the episode I observed was the first time they fought that way. Yeah, right.)

But when it got to the point where he was straddling her on the ground, his fist raised to begin punching her, I yelled at her boyfriend's friend--who up until that point had just been sitting in his car, engine idling, watching as his friend beat my friend up--to please stop him. And he did.

Later that evening, my friend went to stay with family, claiming she was never going back to her boyfriend.

That lasted about a day. Her boyfriend bought her roses, told her he loved her and that he was sorry, and a few months later, she was pregnant with his child.

This all happened about two years ago. My friend and I had only known each other a few months when the beatdown occurred in the parking lot. I kept in touch with her while she was pregnant but have since moved away from the building that she and her boyfriend live in, and honestly, I've distanced myself from her. That situation was just too intense. 

And to be honest, I don't know that I'd put myself out to help if I observed a similar situation again. That night, I knew I wouldn't have felt right about walking away. But in a case where both partners seem to enjoy abusing each other, I have to question whether it's worth it to intervene.

TALK BACK: Would you intervene if a friend and his or her partner were physically fighting in front of you? Why or why not?

You Love Him But You Hate Him: Houston, We Have A Pattern

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

One of the greatest philosophers of modern time once asked, "Do we date the same man over and over again?"

And damn it, Carrie Bradshaw was correct. We do. (Question her cultural significance if you want to. Her laptop is behind glass at the Smithsonian.)

Seriously, though, for some reason, the things that turn us on about the people we choose to get romantically involved with are probably linked hand-in-hand with the things that we can't stand about them.

I have something that I call, "Nina's Theory of Traits We Love and Hate." For each personality trait, there's two sides to the coin.

For instance, there were some recurring character traits that about 90 percent of the men I've dated and/or actually claimed as my man had. I'm going to give you my top two:

Confidence/Arrogance. Every man I've seriously attached myself to had a ridiculous air of confidence and swagger that either gained the admiration of others, or just turned folks off completely. In some cases, people just misunderstood the man, yet in others, they were dead on.

Some guys I dated were indeed jerks. Period.

Usually the men that I dated had something about them that gave them a reason to feel confident or arrogant. They were all very smart. They were all quick witted, and spoke well but could switch to slang with ease. They traveled, were well-read, had interesting jobs and were attractive. In some cases, maybe it washateration on other people's part, but in other cases, maybe my men were showing off just a little bit.

But when confidence curdles like old milk, it turns to arrogance, and that's usually that's tinged with the self belief that you are indeed better and smarter than everyone else. And that, my friends, is not attractive. But it can lurk on the other side of the confidence coin.

Back to confidence, confident men are happy for you when you are doing well, even if he's not at the moment. Confident men don't have to know where you are and who you are with all the time (but they'd like to know every now and then, only to make sure you got home safely). Confident men don't even mind if other men respectfully admire their women (they kind of think it's cool). 

Creativity. A dear friend once told me, if a man has a talent, I am on him like white on rice. So, OK, yes, I tend to have a thing for writers, painters, musicians (that actually play instruments, not making beats or raps, FYI), and guys with a sharp sense of humor.

Boy are these men passionate, and when you watch them do their thing, it almost makes you want to quit your job and pursue your dreams deferred, like being a dolphin-watching tour guide or something. And when they are flourishing, they are on top of the world. Nothing can stop them, and you both are enjoying the ride.

Unfortunately, these creative types are often broke in pursuit of these dreams, and oftentimes they lose touch with reality (i.e. student loans, steady employment). Sometimes they get so wrapped up in their dream, and the fact that they are so talented that they tend to get particularly moody when others "with far less talent" are all up in what should be their spotlight. Hence, they take their crap out on you. It's even worse if you are successful.

So here are some other examples of when good traits go bad. Let it marinate:

Good: He loves his mamma.
Bad: He's a mamma's boy.

Good: He has drive/goals and works hard.
Bad: He doesn't make time for a personal life, and that includes you. He also thinks the only thing better than having money is having more money.

Good: He is honest.
Bad: He lacks tact (can't tell the difference between being honest and being rude or mean).

Good: He "ain't no punk."
Bad: He picks fights and is unnecessarily confrontational.

TALK BACK: What is on your list of "dimmer" characteristics (things that simultaneously turn you "on" and "off" in the people you date)? What are the good/bad common threads among the people you've dated in the past?

Why I Decided to Try Online Dating

I've been known to say I'd never try online dating. Too many crazies in the world, I said, and if I start finding dates online, I'm bound to run into trouble. Plus, why would I pay a monthly fee to find dates?

But recently I realized that I attract crazy people, jerks, and losers anyway--in real life, just by going about my daily business. I'm not hurting for dates, but crazies and married/engaged/taken men seem to like me. So what do I have to lose by trying online dating?

Probably not much.

And given my track record, I guess I could use a little help.

So on Saturday, I created an eHarmony account. I chose eHarmony because they claim to match you with people who they think you're most likely to be compatible with, based on how you respond to a long list of questions you must answer when you sign up for the site.

eHarmony seems to gradually match you up with people. It matched me with five people the first day, another five or six on Sunday, and another five or six people today. The site allows users to go through each person's profile, view their descriptions, their answers to a pre-set list of questions, and their photos. If you don't like that person's profile, you can "close" the match out--another way of saying, "I'm just not that into you."

But if you are interested, you can opt to send an "icebreaker"--chosen from a list of cute sayings such as, "I like your smile," or "Hey, I enjoyed your profile. Let's chat!" Or, you can choose to start the communication process using either "guided" communication (a tedious process that involves sending two short lists of questions to your potential mate, as well as a list of likes/dislikes), or if you're really feeling the person, you can ask to "fast track" the process, which takes you straight to being able to send "open" messages through eHarmony's in-house e-mail system. That way, you're communicating with the person, but they don't actually have your personal contact information.

And that's as far as I've gotten so far. I am "communicating" with five potential matches--three of those conversations are still in the "guided" process, where we're exchanging information via our answers to each other's pre-selected questions. One conversation has finished the guided process and progressed into "open" communication on eHarmony's website, but that guy is kind of boring me, to be honest. And the fifth guy (who has a very nice smile) sent me a request to "fast track" our conversation today, skipping the guided process altogether. After I accepted his request, he sent me one nice note this morning. I just responded, so I'm awaiting his reply.

I also have 13 other guys with whom I've been matched by eHarmony but who I haven't contacted yet, and they haven't reached out to me yet, either. (And there are a few guys who I "closed" out for various reasons upon seeing their profiles.)

I'm trying to be open during this process. I don't expect a guy to look like LL Cool J, Maxwell, or Tyson Beckford. But he does have to include a photo on his profile in order for me not to "close" communication with him. After all, if you know what I look like, why shouldn't I know what you look like?

One guy in particular appears to be adorable. Tall, handsome--a dog lover who doesn't appear to take himself too seriously. (I have a small toy poodle, and I like being around people who enjoy life, despite its pitfalls.) Of course, now that I said that, he'll probably prove to be disappointing. Ha.

But even if that one doesn't work out, I'll stick with eHarmony for the next month or two to see what happens.  If nothing else, I figure it'll be good fodder for the FabFem blog. I'll keep you posted. 

TALK BACK: Have you ever tried online dating? Why or why not? And if so, did you meet a good match?

Good Hair: 5 Tips for Weave Wearers and Those Who Love Them

I spend roughly $300 every 6-8 weeks on my hair, and I used to think I was paying too much. That is, until I saw Good Hair at the movies this weekend and learned that many normal, everyday women--not celebrities or people making tons of money--are paying $1,000 just to get one weave installed.

Seriously?

But the thing is, I really wasn't all that impressed with how that $1,000 weave looked in the movie. It just looked fake to me, like not even halfway believable. Why would I ever pay $1,000 for that?

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against weaves. Since I was a teenager, I've worn my hair all sorts of ways--in microbraids, lacing (invisible braids), box braids, tree braids, and weaves. In fact, I've tried most things except for wigs. My natural hair is soft, barely holds a curl, and breaks off easily, so wearing these styles protects it and keeps it healthy. And I really just have one requirement: Whatever style I choose has to look as natural as possible. I want people to wonder if it's my hair, not automatically assume it's a weave.

I'm no hair stylist, but I've learned quite a few things from regularly wearing my hair in braids and weaves over the years. Here are 5 pieces of advice for weave wearers and their friends and loved ones:

1. Leave weave maintenance to the professionals. Whether you're getting your hair relaxed using the so-called "creamy crack" or getting it straightened with a pressing comb, the key is to make sure your real hair--even if just a little bit of it is left out--blends well with the weave hair. So schedule follow-up appointments with your hair stylist--and do not get a weave if you do not have time or money to go back to the salon because your hair will start looking a hot mess after a few weeks. Most of us simply don't have the tools (or the necessary skills) at home to get the weave hair to look as good as the stylist can. (A tip: In my opinion, buying a Bed Head TIGI Stick helps out a lot with blending the natural/weave hair at home in between salon appointments.)

2. If you like my hair, thanks, but please keep it classy. It's rude to start a conversation by asking, "Is that your hair?"--as a pharmacist at my local pharmacy did recently, right before telling me how cute she thought my hair was. Instead, try saying, "I like your hair. Where did you get it done?" That's complimentary, simple and to the point.

3. If you see a style you love but know other people who already have it, try to put your own spin on it. If you're like me and like to look different from the crowd, there are plenty of ways to make yourself stand out. So visit the beauty supply store and take a spin through the hair aisle to see what you can do to create a style that fits what you want but also gives you some individuality. 

4. Co-workers and friends, please don't ask how our hair grew so fast. As someone so appropriately noted in Good Hair, our hair does not grow 10 inches overnight. If it appears that way, yes, it's probably a weave or braids with extensions, and no, we don't want to talk about it with you.

5. Brothas, please follow Chris Rock's advice and do NOT touch our hair. We understand you're hip to the game and know that the hair hanging down our backs is probably not ours--and perhaps you even paid to get it done--but that doesn't mean we want you to touch it. And a final word of advice: Never, ever, ever ask your lady if she is wearing a weave. Just be happy that it looks good and keep it moving.

TALK BACK: Do you think Good Hair did a good job of portraying the issues black women face in styling their hair? Was anything missing that you'd like to see covered in a future documentary?

Why You Should Facebook the Guy You Just Met

There is an opinion piece on Black and Married With Kids today about whether you should Facebook a guy you've just recently met. The writer suggests that you should never Facebook on a first date. My response? You absolutely should.

Now, my opinion on this topic comes from personal experience. I've learned the hard way that men--when they're interested in a new woman--aren't always totally honest about their current relationship status. Just recently I met a man who told me that he was single. I believed him--that is, until we became Facebook friends. That's when I saw that his page listed him as "in a relationship" and that he'd posted a photo of himself with his girlfriend.

When I asked him about this, he told me it was a "new" relationship, which made absolutely no difference to me because the end result was the same: He had a girlfriend. We had a date scheduled for the very day that I found this information on Facebook, so it really came just in the nick of time. I immediately canceled the date and informed him that his Facebook page had told on him.

But that's the beauty of Facebook--many people mindlessly post their relationship statuses without giving much thought to how this could affect them in the future. So for the man who is trying to be slick and meet women outside of his relationship or marriage, Facebook can serve as a warning to women to stay far, far away.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

You see, it's hard enough being a single woman and having to weed out the crazies, the jerks, the guys who are just trying to get in your pants. So I'm thankful for any resource that gives me the pertinent information--such as true relationship status--with the click of a mouse.

As for the BMWK writer's concern that Facebook provides too much information for potential dates, the answer is simple: Use Facebook privacy settings. You have total control over how much information people see on your page. Your closest friends might be able to see all of your photos, wall posts, status updates and links, for example, but you can restrict people you don't know that well so that they can't see your wall posts or status updates or even your photos.

And as for tagging a guy you've just met--as the BMWK writer did--in a photo? I'd advise against it. I recently could've done the same--after a birthday party where I met a new guy who I dubbed my Prince Charming for the evening--but I did not tag him in the many photos in which he was captured in the album of 60-plus pictures that I posted on Facebook afterwards. Why? Because I simply don't know him like that. He's aware of the album and can tag himself if he'd like, but I'm not going to do it for him.

While I believe in being Facebook friends with new guys (though I reserve the right to delete them later if things don't work out), I won't send the guy a friend request unless Facebook comes up during conversation and he tells me he has a page. That doesn't mean I won't do a quick search beforehand to see if I can find his page on my own--because some people leave their pages public and you can see their information without having to friend them. But he doesn't have to know that I've searched for him.

Still, not everyone lists a relationship status on Facebook. And in that case, you're just going to have to rely on good, old womanly instincts (and FabFem's list of 7 Ways to Tell if a Man is Married, Engaged or Otherwise Taken).

[For more on the dilemma Facebook poses for budding relationships, please read yesterday's post by Guest Blogger Nina Lovehall.]

TALK BACK:  Do you "friend" people you're dating on Facebook? Why or why not?