Monday, January 4, 2010

Would You Date--Or Marry--a Weed Smoker?

I hate smoking. And for good reason. You see, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. When I was a kid, simply being around my father's clothing after he smoked cigarettes was enough to make me start sneezing, have trouble breathing and give me a runny nose.

As I got older, I encountered a new type of smoke: Weed smoke. I never indulged myself; I was far too afraid of having an asthma attack to try that. But my friends smoked, some regularly and heavily. And when I was younger, it wasn't a big deal to date a guy who was a weed smoker, so long as he didn't smoke around me and wasn't into other types of drugs.

Now that I'm damn near 30, I'm annoyed by weed smokers. I don't like the smell, don't want to taste it when I kiss a guy, and don't like thinking he's under the influence or carrying weed on him when we're together.

But sometimes, I second guess myself. There's one guy (no, not this guy) who is a successful engineer who never smokes around me, but I know he smokes weed on occasion. He's 37, makes a six-figure salary and is otherwise a stand-up, good guy. Is it too rash of me to judge him for being an occasional weed smoker? 

I recently talked about this issue with a few family members, and they said as long as the guy smokes outside and never around me, I shouldn't sweat it. But still, I wonder, is this a compromise I should make in the name of love? Is it possible that my soul mate is a weed smoker?

TALK BACK:  Would you date or marry a weed smoker? Why or why not?


  1. I would not date or marry a weed smoker but I am currently engaged to a smoker. I never in a MILLION years thought I would marry a smoker. But he is a wonderful man and I decided I wouldnt let that one thing keep me from happiness. Ironically when my mom married my dad, he smoked too. He also eventually quit and hasn't smoked in decades.

    My fiance does have a strong desire to stop smoking and I plan to support him in his mission to stop as well. But it is a habit that you can't stop overnight so it's going to take some time, patience and prayer and lots of Nicorette!

  2. @Tiffany in Houston -- I'm sure he'll be able to quit if he sticks with it! It took my dad a long time to quit but he did it with the help of the nicotine patch. :-)

  3. My thoughts about dating a guy with any habit you might not like are: don't. If it is truly something you can't live with or will regret later, you will only put yourself through turmoil for compromising your beliefs. You ask whether it would be judgemental, I don't think that it would be judgemental, but personal preference. My father gave me the best peice of advice ever, "Don't marry a guy thinking you can change him, because he won't change."

  4. @dreamchaser -- I agree. It's never a good idea to think you can change anyone. The only person disappointed in the end will be you!

  5. It's a plant. I'm not a smoker myself but I do study plants. If it's organic and natural, it's probably worst to consume alcohol. Just because things are more socially acceptable, doesn't mean it's actually better for you. A good example would be pharmaceuticals including Tylenal. Everyone has there likes and dislikes. If you he would be a casual weed smoker who eats healthy food and exercises and is an amazing person? What's the problem? If I start playing the judgment game it will never end because we are full of opposites.