Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Is Sleeping Over a Dating Requirement?

It's an unspoken rule. If you're dating someone and especially if you have sex with that person, he or she should spend the night.

Or at least I thought it was an unspoken rule. But now I'm not so sure. Apparently, some people are just "weird." So for instance, if a man is interested in a woman, he may still prefer to sleep in his own bed, even if he's spent most of the day/evening with the woman. He may invest lots of time with her, spending hours talking, going out on dates, just kicking it--but he's not going to sleep over. That doesn't mean that the woman can't stay over at his house, however. That's fine. He's just not comfortable sleeping at anyone else's house.

I didn't know these strange people existed. So I recently surveyed a friend and two close relatives--all women. I asked them, is it just me, or is it a big problem if a man you're dating won't sleep over--especially if you're having sex? They agreed. It's totally unacceptable. And I was right there with them.

That is, until I talked to a male friend, who is engaged and says he doesn't even like sleeping over at his fiancee's house sometimes.

He'd just rather sleep in his own bed, he said.

Really?! But his fiancee is accepting of that, he says, and it works for them.

TALK BACK: Do you go through an adjustment period before you're comfortable sleeping over at the home of someone you're dating? If so, how long does it usually take for you to feel comfortable?

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