I'm Back

I'm sorry for leaving you all.

But it wasn't personal, I promise.

The last few months have been crazy. First, my mom died in August, then it was time to get my baby brother off to college to start his freshman year, and meanwhile, I got the sprained ankle from hell. Eventually, I found out that I needed surgery to repair that ankle...and as a result, I ended up in a leg cast and have been unable to drive for two months.

But that ordeal is almost over and I'm ready to start blogging again, at least kinda regularly.

I've learned a lot in the past several months, and I am seeing a great guy who has helped make my recovery from surgery easier. I've also learned how wonderfully supportive my family, friends and coworkers are. I couldn't have gotten through the last few months without them. I am blessed, and I hope you all are doing well, too.

More later...as soon as I come up with some new material to blog about. Thanks for sticking with me during my time away. Happy 2011!

Holiday Gift Giving for the Man in Your Life

It's been a long while since there was a guy around who I actually wanted to buy a Christmas gift for.

Handsome Honey has changed that. We've been seeing each other just over a month, and not getting him something just doesn't feel right.

Nearly two weeks ago, HH surprised me with a very cute pair of nice heels. Not stripper heels, not ugly shoes, but fly heels that I know I'll rock. He has great taste! I'm not sure if the shoes are my Christmas gift, or if something else is coming, but either way, I know he deserves a good gift.

Thus the search began in my mind for the right Christmas gift. What could I get him without doing too much, given that we haven't been seeing each other that long? I wanted my gift to be thoughtful, but not overdone. And I didn't want to get him something useless, since he seems to have everything he might want/need already.

So I settled on two things: a bottle of his favorite cologne and a giftcard from Home Depot. Why? Because HH is in the midst of a major home renovation, so a giftcard to a home improvement store is something I know he'll appreciate and will put to good use.

It feels good to actually want to buy a guy a gift. And knowing it's something he'll enjoy is a bonus.

TALK BACK: What are you getting for Christmas for the man in your life? How did you settle on that gift?

Exes Who Reappear During the Holidays

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, without fail, I hear from a few exes. That includes the more official exes who were my boyfriends or damn near it, as well as the guys who never made the cut but thought they'd put in a good effort.

On Thanksgiving this year, I received text messages from four guys from my past, wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving, inquiring about my well being, wanting to know if I was celebrating with my family. I replied to them all, but not until late that night. And my answer was simple: "Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too." After all, no need to imply I wanted to continue the conversation.

The guys who texted me are men you've read about here before: Super Texter, Prince Charming, Mr. Serious, and Cutie With Attitude. Each one offered some variation of the following: "Thinking of you and your family today. Hope you're having a Happy Thankgiving."

Seems harmless, I guess, but it's just so funny to me. For years, Biggest Dog Ever called or texted on the holidays, until he finally got a clue and stopped.

I have to wonder why these guys even bother. Is it an effort to remain on my mind--even if it's only once or twice a year? Is it a twinge of guilt at letting a good one slip away? Is it the hope that one text message might lead to a phone call or maybe more?

Or are they just being friendly, showing they still care? Who knows. These are all guys who I've decided to cut off for one reason or another, and I intend to keep it that way.

TALK BACK: Do you usually hear from your exes during the holiday season? If so, how do you respond?

Meeting Your Man's Single Mama on Turkey Day

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

My good friend is all nerves and inhaling into a brown paper bag right now.  After a real long and tumultuous run as far as relationships are concerned, my friend has finally hit the jackpot. And ironically, while FabFem has been recently talking about the jungle that is online dating, computer love actually did work out in my friend's favor.

So far, my friend--who I'll call Southern Belle--has been on a whirlwind romance with her new beau, who I'll call Mr. Checklist (good job-check, nice car-check, has his own spot, no kids.. you get the idea). They've been going out to restaurants, spending quiet evenings and weekends together, and he was her lone moving man when she moved last month as well. He goes out of his way to surprise her with little gifts to show he cares, and he helps her run errands. He also has no problem telling her just how much she means to him and how he can totally see a future with her.

Naturally a man this smitten was raised right, and naturally a man who knows how to make a woman float around the city as if she's wearing Jimmy Choos made of cotton candy has to have a close, healthy relationship with his mama. So, of course he wants his two favorite women to meet. And meet they will on Thanksgiving.

I've already assured my friend that (1) her warm personality alone is going to win over Mama Checklist. (2) She's a fantastic cook, all she has to do is let Mama Checklist sample some of her food, and it will put Mama Checklist at ease to know this lovely girl can actually make her son a good meal. (3) Let's be real. If you are a real mother who loves her son, the fact that he's so into her and happy should make you happy. SHOULD.

So here's the caveat.

Some folks have said in the past that when meeting Mom, you ESPECIALLY have your work cut out for you if:

He's an only child
He's an only son

I also heard the situation is further amplified if, as in the case with Mr. Checklist, he's an only boy child to a single mother. It's no secret that these relationships can be super tight because both the mother and the son have often depended on one another over the years, and they've seen each other through some really tough times.

Successful sons of single moms often work their hardest to make them happy and feel a proud obligation to help them out as much as they can now that they're grown men. It completely makes sense. I mean, even the most seemingly meanest, toughest rappers who talk about hoes and bitches also rhyme about putting their mothers in mansions and "designer fabrics" once they've made it big. Childhood memories of mama struggling to make ends meet are hard to shake. So I say men who take care of mama, without falling into chronic mama's boy syndrome, are worthy of Shakespearean sonnets being written in their honor.

TALK BACK: What are some good tips for Southern Belle to help her shake those nerves before Turkey Day? And are single mothers with sons really harder to impress, or is that just an urban relationship myth?

Yes, I'm Still Single. Can You Please Pass the Turkey?

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

When you're fly and fabulous, the holiday season can be a really great time. You can fill your face with your favorite foods without the usual guilt and get an adrenaline rush by jockeying for position with other shopaholics on Black Friday.

And most importantly, you can catch up with family and friends. 

But there's always a series of questions that come up during holiday family functions that anyone single and older than 25 absolutely dreads.

"So, you're not married yet?"
"Are you seeing anyone?"
"No kids?"

I've got older relatives already phoning in these questions. My mother's cousin shamelessly admitted that she's dying for her two sons, ages 33 and 40, to have children-- even if it means it's out of wedlock. She further admitted that her sons had to call her out on her obsession. They assured her that she'd rather have them procreate with good women worthy of actually being their wives, her old age be damned.

Now, the only possible reason I could come up with for a usually moral, sweet woman who is protective of her "boys" to go temporarily nuts and have such madness come out of her mouth was that it had to be attributed to the fact that last year, she had open heart surgery and even had a tumor taken out of said heart. So since she may be struggling with her mortality these days, I'm going to let it slide.

But still, I totally agree with her sons. I also extend kudos to my cousins for helping her grab a hold of reality real quick to squash that silly talk.

Let's be clear. My cousins are 40 and 33, so yeah, they either need to get on finding that wife, or throw in the towel altogether-- especially the 40-year-old. But as I joked with their mom, men can make a kid when they are 50, 60, 70 and 80. But I get it, I get it, she wants to actually live to see it.

So naturally, she turns the question to me, and I tell her that I'm in the sweet spot age of the late 20s, so I'm not trippin. Then, after taking a deep breath, I explained that I am not yet married, and I have no kids, but I absolutely love my life right now, sans the kids and husband. I'm loving my freedom and I'm taking advantage of it while I can. I continued by saying that I totally look forward to being a mom, but finding the right partner to do this with, as her sons pointed out, was no easy task these days. I told her that I do remain hopeful, but right now, my life is just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. whooo! (Shout out to Mary J!)

TALK BACK: How do you respond when relatives or other well-meaning folks grill you about your marital and/or kid status, especially during the holidays?