6 Signs the Guy You're Dating May Be Crazy Or Abusive

I've tried to work on my patience over the years.

You know, not be so quick to cut guys off over small things.

I try to see the good in people but also not ignore the bad. Unfortunately, I think I failed miserably when it came to Mr. Courtship.

Mr. Courtship said all the right things... at first. He took me out, we had great conversation, and he showed an interest in the people and things that matter to me most. And, perhaps the best part of all... He cooks. Very well.

But after a few weeks, I started to have some concerns about Mr. C. I realized that he was impatient, almost unreasonably so, at times. Not with me. But just over small things that it seemed unreasonable to get upset about.

And soon, his impatience did turn to me. Like one early morning when I didn't answer his phone call because I was in the shower. I called him back after I'd gotten dressed when I was in the car, on my way whereever I was headed that day. Sounds reasonable, right? Not to Mr. C. This fool actually suggested that I should get in the habit of putting my cellphone on the toilet basin so that I can hear it--and answer it--even when I am in the shower. I searched for a hint he was joking. Couldn't find one. So I moved on, with that tucked into my mind as a RED FLAG that I should keep an eye on.

Not long after that, I decided to cut Mr. C off, not just because of that incident, but because I caught him in a major lie and decided it was time for him to go. Unfortunately, I think he realized his time had come -- so he refused to answer the phone. I finally sent him a text message asking him not to contact me anymore. Then, four days passed -- mind you, we had talked daily since we met until then -- with no word from him, so I thought he was abiding by my wishes.

But on the fourth day, he called me around 5:30 p.m. I didn't answer. He then called three more times up until 7:30 p.m., when he left me the following message:

"Yo, you're gonna answer your God%amn phone. I'm going to f$%k you up. You better answer your phone. Why can't I get in contact with you at 7:31? Yeah, alright. You gonna get your @ss whooped."

Yes, I'm serious. He really did leave me that message for no reason other than I hadn't answered my cellphone for two (TWO?!) hours after not hearing from him for four days. And this time, I was sure there was no hint in his voice that he was joking. He'd never laid a hand on me and I never thought I had a reason to fear him...before that message.

I left him a voicemail the next day advising him that if he ever threatened me again, I would call the police and that I meant it when I told him several days prior that I was done talking to him. We spoke once over the phone after that--because I believe that when it comes to crazy people, it's good to know they're not coming to kill you where their heads are--and he told me he was over it and wouldn't bother me again. Let's hope he means that.

Meanwhile, I learned some valuable lessons from my experience with Mr. C (and let's call him Mr. Crazy from now on). Here are 6 signs the dude you're dating may be crazy or potentially abusive:

1. He complains constantly and/or always points out something he thinks you do wrong.
2. He always thinks you're wrong, even about stuff you know you're educated about.
3. He cuts you off mid-sentence and hangs up on you... say, once every week or two.
4. He gets an attitude when you don't answer your phone, even for reasonable time periods.
5. He complains when you go out with friends, even occasionally.
6. He gets mad if you speak to a friend or associate of his--and I do mean just "hello"--when he isn't present.

TALK BACK: Did I miss any signs a guy may be crazy or potentially abusive? Let me know by commenting!

WTF of the Day: Man Shoots Woman for Not Giving Out Her Phone Number

I have a standard line when a man approaches me and I'm not interested: "I have a boyfriend."

Sure, it's not always 100 percent effective. I've heard -- "What's your man got to do with me?" -- more times than I can count. (Thanks, Postive K, for planting this lame line in fellas' heads.)

But never... never ... never have I had a man *pull a gun* (!) on me for saying I'm not interested, like what happened to this college student, home from school visiting her family in Washington, D.C. She says a guy asked for her phone number as she left a party this past weekend. She said no. He threatened to shoot her if she didn't give up her digits. When she still refused to do so, he did just that. He shot her in the leg.

Really?

Seriously?!

Who does that?!

WTF!

It got me to thinking. What is the best approach for rejecting a guy so that he doesn't, you know, shoot you?

I say I have a boyfriend because I figure it's a gentler way to deal with the male ego. It's my way of saying, 'See, I'm not rejecting you outright. But I'm already taken.' They don't know it's not true, so they go away. Problem solved.

I once gave my number to a guy out of sympathy--because I thought he seemed nice (at FIRST), although I knew I'd never date him. I ultimately regretted it because I realized he was a little crazy in our first phone call. Then I started ignoring his calls. That's when he started stalking me on MySpace (back before Facebook took over) and by phone, putting in '187' (think: Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre') as the number to page me. I ultimately had to file a police report and change my number.

Because of that one horrible experience, I stick with my fictitious boyfriend lie to avoid stalkers. I've thought about giving out a fake number or using a service such as the Rejection Hotline (never heard of it? call 202-452-7468 for a good laugh), but that's a no-go, since most guys call you on the spot before you even have a chance to walk away. So far, I guess I'm doing a good job. No guns or knives have ever been pulled on me. Sigh.

TALK BACK: How do you tell a guy 'no' when he asks for your number and you're not interested? Does it scare you to hear the story of a young woman being shot for refusing to give out her number?

Three Red Flags You're Dating a Crazy, Deranged MoFo

Have you ever met a guy who was just a little too into you just a little too fast?

Like you just met him but he's trying to move in with you already?

Or he snaps at you for not returning his calls within an hour or two, yet you just met him last week?

Or he tells you that he could see himself marrying you, yet you've been dating just a few days?

Believe it or not, all of the above have happened to me or my friends. And all of these examples, in my eyes, are warning signs that the guy could be, as Martin said in You So Crazy, a "crazy, deranged motherf%&$er." Run, girl, run!

Case in point: My good friend, we'll call her Samantha, called me yesterday to update me on a guy--we'll call him Pressurizer--who she met last week when we were out for after-work drinks. She'd been talking to him on the phone daily for four days since they exchanged numbers. And on Day 4, he hit her with this over the phone: "So, where is this going? Are you even interested in me?"

Samantha, a bit taken aback, asked Pressurizer to elaborate, thinking he couldn't possibly be pressing her with such questions not even a week after they first met. They'd talked frequently and had a date planned for this weekend, so why is he trippin? Pressurizer told her he really likes her and he laid his expectations on the line. It came down to this: It's fine if they don't see each other face to face every day for now, but if they get into a relationship, he told her, he'd require they see each other daily.

Now, let me remind you: This conversation took place *four days* after Samantha and Pressurizer met. Not four months. Not four years. And he's already having a fit about not seeing her daily--to the tune of a two-hour conversation to discuss his "concerns"? Where they do that at?

Samantha is now thinking she will probably cancel her weekend date with Pressurizer because he put so much pressure on her so quick. I can't say I blame her. In hindsight, Samantha says, the fact that he called her for the first time at 9:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning the day after they met probably was the first warning sign he was a little too eager.

Guys, take note: Genuine interest is good. Scary/stalkerish/overeager tendencies are bad. Very bad. Here are three red flags we women generally take note of:

1. Possessiveness.  I once had a guy I'd just met--who had gone out of town for the weekend-- tell me that if he were in town, I wouldn't be spending time with my friends because all of my time would be spent with him. Mind you, I'd known him for about one week. I cut him off immediately. While some women may find possessiveness flattering, many women find it to be scary and a warning sign to run far, far away.

2. Unrealistic expectations. No, it is not realistic for you to expect a woman you've just met to clear her schedule every day all day for you. And it's not realistic to expect to talk to her five to ten times a day. She had a life before she met you, and yes, she's happy to include you in it, but slow your roll, dude.

3. Short temper. Sure, we've all had a 'waiting by the phone' moment, hoping that that special someone would call soon. But copping an attitude with your love interest about not calling you back soon enough is a surefire way to push the person away if you just met. Big no-no.

TALK BACK: There are many red flags that signal danger in the dating world. What do you look out for? What warning signs signal to you that a guy might be crazy or deranged?

Weeding Out Potential Stalkers

Have you ever had a guy seem like he was cool at first--attentive, good job, nice home and car--and then you find out he's... well... a little crazy? That the attentiveness actually has turned into stalkerlike behavior?

I guess we all have our preferences. Some women (I suppose--because otherwise why would some men do this? Someone must like it) must prefer a guy who calls and texts them literally all day long (by this I mean hardly a 15-30 minute interval goes by without you hearing from him) because he wants to "stay in touch."

But me, you know, I have a job. One that requires that I concentrate. I do spend time during my workday catching up with family or friends, but I cannot spend all day talking, texting and instant messaging. I just can't. What I prefer is a guy who stays in touch by contacting me periodically--no set timeframes.

I don't want to feel like a guy is texting/calling/IMing solely because he's a control freak who wants to know my movements every step of the day. That's a little scary...and um, to me signals the potential for trouble down the line.

Enter Blast From Past (BFP), a guy who I went out with about five years ago; I think we went on two, maybe three, dates. Then--for a reason I no longer recall--I cut him off. We reconnected through Facebook recently, and I was reminded pretty quickly why I must've gotten rid of him in the first place.

I gave him my number. First Big Mistake. I called him that night, as I promised him online that I would. Mind you, I was under the weather, and soon after I left him a voicemail, I laid down to rest because I was feeling worse. Well, soon my phone starting going off. BFP called twice, left a voicemail and then texted me three times, all within the next hour or two.

The next morning, he texted me again--before I'd returned any of his previous messages.

I knew I had a problem...and I was already feeling smothered, and we hadn't even had a real conversation yet. So I was direct. I texted him to let him know that there is no need to blow my phone up if he's already left a message. When I get the message, I told him, I *will* maybe if I decide he's not a stalker get back to him.

He said okay, acted like he understood.

But soon I realized, as we talked on instant messager while at work one day, that he doesn't really get it. He IMs me ALL DAY LONG. And I mean all day. To the point where I no longer sign into IM, just so that I can be productive and dodge him. And guess what happened yesterday--the first day I didn't sign into IM? He started texting me on my cellphone. And I was busy...with work. Too busy to do the let's-talk-literally-all-day-long thing again. Nevermind that it's exhausting.

Four unanswered text messages, a phone call and a voicemail later (all received yesterday while I was at work and in the evening), I think maybe he got the point.

I think. Only time will tell because I'm never calling him again.

BFP also made no secret that he was keeping tabs on my Facebook page. When I joined a fan page for a local TV station, he texted just a few minutes later to say something about that particular station. When I posted a status update about wanting a cupcake, he messaged me about that, too. It was a little creepy. No worries, though, he's on "limited profile" now. So no more cyber stalking...at least not through Facebook.

I should've known this would only go downhill when BFP made a point of telling me he's "not crazy" during our first phone conversation after we reconnected--something he said totally unprompted. I think it's odd for someone to volunteer that they're not crazy. Did I say you were crazy? Clearly, almost certainly maybe he's been accused of being crazy or stalkerish in the past. And that's probably not far from the truth.

TALK BACK: Do you have a breaking point where a guy--who may think he's showing 'interest'--is actually scaring you because he seems like a potential stalker? What warning signs signal a potential stalker for you?