Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Number of Sexual Partners: Do Tell or TMI?
By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL
Is sharing your sexual "number"--how many partners you've truly been with, no fudging or lapses in memory--simply TMI?
Some people believe you should tell the real number and get it out there and be honest with every person you encounter intimately.
Other folks feel like it's worth telling only those you are serious with.
Then others, like me, generally believe it's just a bad idea, and no matter your number, you are going to still look less than pure-- especially to the man of your dreams if you've manged to find him. If the number is higher than zero, I think sometimes for a lot of men (the ones who are interested in something real), it's just too hard a pill to swallow.
Let's face it. I've had male friends admit that, especially for women they think highly of or want to be "the one," although deep down they know someone has probably put down footprints on her path... they really don't want to know if there was an eight-lane highway built there.
What I do believe can and should be discussed with any potential partner is sexual health history...recent tests taken, status, etc. Vox Magazine offers good advice on how to broach the topic.
But actual number of partners? Ehhhh.
Yeah, yeah, I'm all about women's liberation. We make more money, we're more independent and educated and we have the right to sleep with however many people we want as long as we are responsible and no one should trip, right?
All things being equal, sure that makes sense. But in the real world, if you're a woman and have bedded "too many" men, both women and men will agree that you, my dear, are still considered a hoe.
So how many is too many? Well that's for each individual person to decide. But I did get put on to an interesting theory about "the number" from a man.
I like to call it the "casual encounters to relationship to age of sexual debut ratio" (patent pending on the name).
Based on some scenarios my male friend offered up, I've created a game for y'all. It's called: "WHO'S THE HOE HERE?"
A 26-year-old who started having sex at 18, has had three long-term relationships lasting an average of two years each has a total number of five sexual partners.
If she was faithful during the relationships, the 2 partners who weren't considered boyfriends probably punched her freedom card in those periods between committed relationships, or she may have gotten one casual in before her first relationship.
Of the eight total years of her getting her swerve on, six of those years were in a faithful situation.
SURVEY SAYS: NOT A HOE.
I was told in that scenario, that number was not bad at all and that most men could probably take that on the chin and move on happily with that woman.
But, I was also told, if you are 18, started having sex at 18 and you have 5 partners before your 19th birthday.... yes, at this rate you are on par to have Tiger-like numbers by the time you hit 26.
SURVEY SAYS: "HEY DIRTY, BABY I GOT YOUR MONEY." YOU ARE A HOE.
Now, things happen. And I was told there may be an asterisk by your number in certain situations depending on your faithfulness, too.
My male friend put this doosey on me. I needed a calculator with sine and cosine functions to figure this one out... so help me out.
Say you are 24, you started doing the freaky deek at 18, and you've been in a relationship for five years with one person and you've managed to have *8 partners.
Oh boy. According to the math, you either: A. picked up your numbers early on in that one year you were single before that relationship; B. went buck wild post-relationship; or C. you were doing dirt during that relationship. SURVEY SAYS: ???????? If you answered B, I'm willing to give you some leniency. But if your answers are A. and C, click here to reclaim your prize.
DISCLAIMER: IF YOU'VE FALLEN INTO ANY OF THESE SITUATIONS WHERE THE SURVEY SAID THOSE ACTIONS WERE HOE-WORTHY, FABULOUSFEMININITY.BLOGSPOT.COM IS NOT JUDGING YOU.
TALK BACK: Do you share the number of sexual partners you've previously had with a new partner--and do you want him to tell you his "number"?