Beware of the Stalker Neighbor

I've said a time or two before that I attract crazies.

Today just solidified that I do it without even trying.

I walked out to my car at about 8 a.m. to head to work. I noticed a folded up piece of paper on my windshield when I got in the car. So I reached to grab it. There I found a typewritten note that said the following (punctuation and capitalization copied exactly from the note):

"Dear FabFem,
I have been attracted to you from the first moment I saw you. I was walking to the grocery store on a Saturday morning to get milk.
My first chance meeting with you was the snow storm. I was helping people get out of their parking spaces...and then comes this Angel of BEAUTY!!!
I did my deed, and then I gathered my courage to ask you for your phone number...and you said you had a boyfriend? I don't know if that was a nice way of letting me down or if you were involved with another man.? But if things have changed or if I can be a friend?...I was hoping you could call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX or XXX-XXX-XXXX. I would like to take you out to eat and we could get to know each other better!
I'm a little shy and clumsy when I try to talk to a Beautiful woman such as yourself for the first time.Which you probably noticed. That's why I decided to write what I feel!
Stalker Neighbor [Real name omitted]
stalkerneighbor@neighbor.net"

The note struck me as a cross between sweet... and creepy. First of all, he approached me during the snowstorm? ... You mean the one in February? And four months later, you're still watching me and typed up a note to put on my car? Hmmm. Then I thought about if I remembered who this guy was. Turns out I do. I remember thinking he seemed creepy in person, so I told him I had a boyfriend (my usual line when I want a guy to go away am not interested). Little did I know, he didn't forget that conversation, even if I had.

Walking into work today, I decided to google his phone number. After all, he'd given me his cellphone and home phone numbers AND his e-mail address. A little googling got me his full name and address. Soon, I used that info to see if he had a criminal record, something a female cop once told me to do if I ever thought a guy pursuing me was weird, just to see what I'm dealing with.

Oh boy. I didn't expect what came next. Sometimes, information is power, and other times, it can scare the hell out of you. Turns out Stalker Neighbor has been charged in the past few years with stalking, assault, false imprisonment, disorderly conduct, trespassing, possession of a deadly weapon, and a peace/restraining order had been issued against him a couple years back. 

Whoa. Mind you, he lives like a block from me, and I think I can be pretty sure he's been watching me. Sigh.

I phoned Prince Charming, who when he isn't saving the day for me, is a police officer by profession. He wanted to go knock on dude's door.

But I couldn't let him do that. That could turn out really, really badly.

Instead, I okayed PC calling him. PC told SN over the phone that he was my boyfriend and that while I appreciated the flattery, I wasn't interested. He said SN took it well, said he understood and respected that.

Let's hope so. Meanwhile, I think I'll go buy some pepper spray.

TALK BACK: Have you ever had an overly aggressive neighbor who wanted to date you? How did you handle it?

No, You Can't Get My Phone Number

When a guy asks for your number, you're either happy or you feel incredibly awkward. If it's a guy you are really interested in getting to know, you might be eager to talk to him again.

But here is a word of caution: Once a guy has your number, you can't take it back--and you might want to.

Trust me, I know because stalkers/crazy people seem to like me.

But is there ever an easy way to convince a dude that you like him but not enough for him to get your digits? ("Can I have your number instead?") I honestly don't have the answer. I guess you could set up a voicemail number or get a second cellphone number just for the purpose of giving it to guys you're not so sure about. But then you also have to be sure you don't call the guy from your "real" number until you're ready for him to have it. And that can be tricky, to say the least.

I learned this lesson the hard way a while back. I met a guy who seemed cool--We'll call him Certifiable Loser (CL). CL is not the cutest guy around but he seemed nice, had a decent job, didn't seem crazy (at least not at first). So we exchanged numbers. Then came warning sign No. 1: He called and insisted on talking with me my entire drive home. I guess some women might see that as attentive and cute, but I'd just spent 20 minutes talking with him in person and I thought it was a bit over eager.

Still, I gave CL a couple more phone conversations before I decided I wasn't interested, and I slowly stopped returning his phone calls. (We never even went on a date.) Then I started getting calls from blocked numbers. At first the calls came during the day. Then they happened sometimes in the middle of the night. If I answered, the person wouldn't say anything--he'd just listen to me breathe.

Along the way, CL somehow found me on MySpace--back when people still actually used MySpace. And he started messaging me there. I ignored him.

Next, the blocked calls to my cellphone became more frequent. This went on for months, I tell you, MONTHS. Ugh.

And soon, the person started putting in "187" as the number to page me.

Yes, I said 187. Remember that? As in "187, with my gat in your mouth, fool"--the police code for murder. So now the dude was not only stalking me by phone, but he was threatening to kill me?! WTF.

I called my cellphone company. They said I had to go to the police in order to have them subpoena my phone records to hopefully figure out the source of the unblocked calls and 187 pages.

That's when I found out that whoever did this--and my money is on CL--was spoofing their number so that even when the police traced the blocked calls, it only traced back to a fake number that couldn't be further tracked. My only option to stop getting harassed was to change my number.

So I did just that and gave it to everyone except for CL.

And whaddoyaknow, the calls mysteriously stopped. CL had no choice except to leave me alone. He didn't know anything else about me except for my phone number and what I looked like. Problem solved. Thank goodness.

The female cop handling my case said I should never give my number to new dudes I meet. But even after this wacky experience with CL, I still give my number out occasionally, depending on (A) how long I've gotten to talk to the dude in person to assess his potential level of crazy/stalkerness, and (B) if I feel comfortable enough to give him the digits.

That said, it's not an exact science. Hell, I'm still dodging calls and texts from Blast From Past. (In fact, BFP just texted me to tell me he noticed I just became a fan of a company on Facebook and he has a meeting with that company next week...Me [thinking, as I delete him as a fb friend]: Um, dude, I've been ignoring you for days. Why are you fb stalking me?! SMH.) Sigh.

TALK BACK: Do you feel comfortable giving your phone number out to new guys you meet? Why or why not?