Sex On Your Period: Yay or Nay?

By: Guest Blogger NINA LOVEHALL

Rumor has it that neosoul crooner/sex symbol Maxwell sent female concertgoers into a frenzy last year when he declared during his sensual set, "I don't care if it's that time of the month. We can put towels down."

Pick your collective jaws up off the ground. Even if you are against it, there was a time you probably considered it, just once: "I mean, I'm real light right now anyway..."

If I've pulled your card, simmer down, we're all grown. You aren't a dirty freak if you do it, want to do it or considered it that one time when you were real "light." As I get older, I'm noticing more men and women aren't as vehemently against the idea as when we were younger. I've been in a couple of conversations-- sober and not-- where both sexes have taken Maxwell's stance and even suggested putting down dark-colored sheets in addition to the towel to cut down on potential embarrassment.

But there is still a strong contingent who say the love tunnel is temporarily shut down to all traffic during that time of the month.

It's no secret that women tend to get real randy in the days before, during and after their cycle, and biology backs that up. Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of the book, What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, tells readers that if they feel comfortable with it, by all means let Aunt Flo join in on the fun. If you aren't completely convinced, Dr. Hutcherson explains the benefits of freakin' while you're leakin', which may include easing of cramps and migraines. In addition to breaking out the towel underneath your bum, she also suggests using a diaphragm or cervical cap to "decrease the amount of blood that escapes during sex."

Hutcherson says that some positions may be uncomfortable during that time of the month, and even oral sex is fair game. And, she says, some men actually like the taste of iron in the blood. (I've never heard this one. In fact, I've been told that men prefer that you give them a warning and give them the option of not heading down there.) Hutcherson warns that if your man takes the dive, he should not blow air into your vagina, because that air can actually travel through your lungs and affect your heart, causing an air embolism.

Never fear to my ladies who'd rather sit this one out until Flo has left the building. I'm not mad at you. Dr. Hutcherson says that even if you don't want to go all the way, getting close and cuddling during that time can release some healthy endorphins that will relieve pain. Everybody wins.

TALK BACK: Do you think that having sex while on your period is nasty?

Deciding When to Have Sex With a New Guy

You're seeing a new guy and you hit it off really well. Soon, you're facing the age-old question: Is it too soon to have sex with him?

If you listen to comedian/self-proclaimed relationship expert Steve Harvey, a 90-day rule is the best approach. Give the guy a probationary period, Harvey advises in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Joan on the TV show Girlfriends had a similar rule--no sex before the three-month mark.

And on the VH1 reality show, Tough Love, last week--a show about teaching perpetually single women skills to help them develop healthy dating relationships--there was a brief discussion of how quickly to have sex with men you're dating. One contestant said she usually has sex by/on the first date. Not a good move, advised Tough Love host/matchmaker Steven Ward. 

I asked three guys about this topic--one single, one engaged, and one married man. The overall consensus? Men know after a conversation or two whether a woman is, in their eyes, girlfriend material or a potential jumpoff. And there's not much, if anything, that a woman can do to change that.

Wow, ladies, definitely something to keep in mind.

Engaged Guy says, "It's always going to come down to who a woman actually is and how she carries herself." In other words, the guy feels you out and knows whether you have the potential to be his girlfriend before you even know he's doing it. (READ: So don't waste your time on a guy who is just not that into you.)

Single Guy says that a woman who has sex very early on after meeting a man could still be girlfriend material. And, he says, the quality of sex matters, too. "The girl could be boring in bed," he says, "and that could ruin everything." (READ: So make sure that when you do have sex that you're actually into it--because if you're not, the guy may lose interest anyway.)

Married Guy says he's in favor of some sort of timetable--a 30-, 60-, or 90-day rule. "I think guys lose interest sometimes the earlier it happens," he says. (READ: So play it by ear. Your mileage may vary.)

Another issue I've heard guys complain about is women who tease. So if you're not ready to have sex with a guy, they'd prefer you just say no. Don't get his engine revved up and then back out. One guy told me that he gets annoyed enough by such flip flopping that he's stopped dating women because of it.

As for me, I don't have a "rule" that governs when/if I'll have sex with a man. I trust my instincts, my mind and my gut instead.

TALK BACK: Do you think there is a such thing as having sex with a man too soon? Do you have a "rule" that dictates when you'll have sex?